•Imagines and Stuff•

rain

the rain never seems to unsettle me, until i realize just how similar i am to it in my dark times.

casted down, no definite form, and holding the ability to drown things in the right amount. indefinite.

my mind wanders to possibilities, distracting me from the dark words my subconscious conjures.

what if a boy saw me alone standing in the rain like i am now? we could fall into that cliche kind of love. right here in front of the large town christmas tree.

would he find me beautiful? would he drown in my irises like the novels claim he would?

would he cup my face in his palms, rubbing soothing motions with the tips of his thumbs like the novels claim he would?

would it be love at first sight? or would we be close friends for the time being, blooming into something more?

or would he kiss me under the rain, pulling me close as we melted due to our witchly sins? wrap his arms around my waist, as i pulled him in impossibly closer be his neck?

i am in the rain, succumbing to its familiar feeling of loneliness. i watch the raindrops fall alone, only to come together into the puddles that rest under my feet.

my thoughts wander yet again.

nobody would pick me as their first choice. not one.

nobody would pick me to speak to during their final breath, not one.

what am i doing this for? all these activities and steps to becoming a better person when i know it's all in vain? when i know i will still be a useless tool people toss around?

maybe i am hoping for acceptance, someone to realize i am hurting. for someone to see me for more than just a grade, for more than just a jersey number, for someone to see me more for my efforts.

maybe i am hoping for someone to see past my disguise, to stop laughing at the things i am so insecure about.

maybe that's it.

the rain has become merely a drizzle, and my ride has come to pick me up.

guess i will just have to look out the window to my symbolic friend.