Denying Love {Caskett Fanfic}

Chapter 4

"Rick. I am not ready. I am sorry." I said, and he stopped. He just looked at me.

"I understand Kate. You have to take this slow."

"I mean, I am scared."

"Of what? No one is knowing, or looking? I don't understand this."

"I mean, I am.. Uhh. How do I explain this?"

"I don't know, just do?" Yup, that's Rick. He is not pushing, but hell he is sarcastic... And that pushed me!

"I-I am, uh... Still virgin." I said, and looked down. Yeah, I was virgin, what does he have to do with? Huh? Was he now seriously into me? Because I was virgin, and I knew he wasn't *kuch kuch* he has Alexis. Kate!? Ya serious. Keep on mind. Jeeeez....

"And that's a problem because?" He asked, and I snapped out my thoughts.

"I don't know, maybe? Nah, I am sorry. Forget what I said." I said, looking up.

"It's okay. You know that right?"

"No. It's not okay. I am not okay. Everything about me, isn't okay."

"Whoa? And that comes from where?"

"My thoughts."

"And you believe it? Mostly what you think isn't true Kate. It's just a thought." And there he was, gentlemen Rick.

"No. My thoughts are hunting me. Every second of every day, they never leave me alone. It's like I can't escape my own mind!"

"Kate! Stop! They aren't real. They are just thoughts. They comes and goes. My thoughts do too. And when not, you need to see a therapist."

"O hell no! I am not seeing a therapist again."

"Again? What do I not know? Kate! You can't hide secrets, you know that. And you know what, talk to me. I am your therapist for now. And when we head back to New York, you're going to see a therapist." What is he thinking?!

"Yes again." I snapped. Oops?

"Why Kate?" He didn't care that I snapped at him.

"I have to tell you, have I?"

"Kate, for everything you've been through. I think it's the best." He took my hand, and we got to the couch. We sat down. "You know you can trust me, right?"

"I do. I really do." I sighed. "But it's hard."

"I bet. You can do it. I know you can." I nodded slightly, and looked at him.

"I was seeing a therapist, because Josh was. Uh, He abused me. And sometimes sexual violence, now you will be thinking, huh? How can you still be a virgin, he threatening with it. He said he would Rape me, if I didn't do what he wanted. I was days long cuffed on a bed, I didn't eat. Neither drinking. Every time he came in the room, I thought he was going to rape me." Little tears builded up, but it felt good to talk about.

"What did you need to do for him?"

"Steal files from the precinct. He didn't say why. And you know what the worsest part. He played with me. He was walking around naked. That he printed a view in my head. That I was seeing so long, that's why I was seeing a therapist. To get the view out of my head."

"You said playing? I don't see that part."

"He-He.... He ripped my clothes off sometimes. And was just playing with me. I don't want to tell every detail." He nodded. "When he was done 'Playing' I layed bleeding on a bed. Bleeding on every inch of my body." Now the tears came out, he pulled me in for a hug. I felt relieved. That I finally had someone to trust, and that I could tell him. Sometimes the hardest thing, can be the best thing.