The QuirKy Diary

The Feels Though..

I'm sorry this is another letter for Shahzaib..because um.. I'm crying right now over some stupid things.. over him..

-------

Hi.. I guess the only way I can write letters to you now is in here.. since your parents found out about our little letters to each other..

Anyway, I'm crying right now.. because I just had so many flashbacks of everything we've been through.. I had flashbacks about me being paranoid all the time.. I had flashbacks simply of you.

Gosh, I'm wasting so many damn tears on you..

The first time I wasted them on you was at the start of year 3.. you know why? Because you bullied me.. but.. I liked you.. a lot.

But now, I m wasting them just thinking about your future.. I'm the type who usually thinks of my own future but now.. it's all just you in my head.

I remembered the time you were walking down to the cola with Sietara.. just you two, talking about something.. I didn't know whether to feel jealous or just to let go of it.. when you and Sietara arrived to the cola you just came up to me saying "I have a secret that you don't know about but Sietara does."

That's when I snapped.. because when you said that.. I yelled at your face yelling "YOU TOLD SIETARA SECRET BEFORE ME?!" Then you just looked at me..

You just stared, not knowing what to do..then you told me to ask Sietara what was going on.. but I refused and ignored the both of you. It came to the point where Sietara had to come up to me and tell without me asking.. she said you were moving..

Again, I tried to hold my tears in, but I couldn't.. then you, being the idiot you are said it was a joke..

That was only this year.

I remember so many times I got jealous..

Like, on Friday I got jealous of Sietara and you holding hands.. I always seem to be jealous of Sietara.. you can't blame me, she has everything.. everything but you. You're the only amazing thing that I have that she doesn't.. I just don't want to lose you to her.

I wish you and your future wife the damn best. Because you two deserve it, your wife will be one lucky woman. Your kids will be beautiful. They'll be talented. They'd play tennis like you want them to ;)

But here's a reminder to your future wife.

She'll be hugging the guy who I've already hugged so many times. She'll be laughing with the guy who I already shared my happiness with. She'll be kissing the lips that I have already kissed. She'll be taking pictures with the guy who I've already taken pictures with. She'll love the guy who's already been loved by me.

One thing she can't change is..

Me being your first kiss
Me being your first hug
Me being your first 'I love you'
Me being your first "you're beautiful"
Me being your first everything.

Also.. you achieved an award from me.

You are my first love
You are my first butterflies
You are my first 'I love you'
You are my first kiss
You are my first hug
You are my first real actual laugh and smile
You are my first flutter of the heart

My first.

I love you more than the moon and back. I love you more than all the people in the world. I love you more than anything and everything.

I love you.