Blood; Ben Bruce

time

Truce— twenty one pilots
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Ben

"Hurry your ass up!" Ashlyn yelled. I didn't respond, I couldn't. My heart was swallowed by my stomach, almost forbidding me from moving.

My stomach was clenching, and my head was hurting. I grabbed Carmen's hand, trying to hold down my bile. She looked so peaceful on my lap, yet I knew she was withering away in the time being.

Ashlyn drove fast, making it a lot harder for me to hold my stomach. I wondered if I would make it to the hospital and how I would be able to relieve myself without getting anything on Carmen.

The poor girl's eyes were becoming more and more blank. I grew more scared watching her slowly die in my arms. My heart was racing now, I looked up and watch Ashlyn hold down the tears in her eyes. Seeing that makes my eyes water in an anger-induced breakdown.

"You'll be okay, just stay awake." I whisper, lightly shaking her. Her blank eyes meet mine, lips quivering. "It's okay, you'll make it." Gently, I kiss her forehead, missing the way it felt to touch her skin.

The car comes to a screeching stop, jolting me forward. "Go now!" I unbuckle my seatbelt, getting put to grab Carmen.

We hold her arms over our shoulders, hastily leading her into the hospital doors. People looked at us in horror to see the two school rejects holding the bleeding, half naked Carmen in our arms. "Please hurry," Ashlyn shouts, "she hardly has a pulse."

Nurses surrounded us on all sides, wrapping Carmen up in a blanket. They take her from my hold, setting here on an old gurney. Anxiety fills my body, making my stomach drop. I reach out for her hand but I'm pushed back. "Let me come with her!" I demand. The nurse simply ignore, pushing her to a room away from me.

I rush over, but am quickly pulled back. "You can't go there, kid." Someone says softly.

My tears fall onto my cheeks and my throat feels heavy and closed off. "Why the hell not?" I croak.

"What they're doing to her, if she doesn't make it, you'll still remember it." They say bluntly. My body falls limp in the person's arms, as they set me down onto the cold tile floor.

Weakly, I curl up and sob uncontrollably. My whole body feels like it weighs a ton and no one can pick me up. Ashlyn sniffles, turning me up to face her. "Stop crying, asshole. She'll be...fi-fine okay?" Her shaky voice whispers. I quiver my lip, shifting my gaze away from Ashlyn.

The white lights soon start to hurt my puffy eyes, forcing me to look back at a crying Ash. "Why'd you have to do this?"

I start to shut down, "I don't know..."

"Ben!"

"Shut up! It's my fault if she dies," I cry. She looks at me with wide, teary eyes. "And if she does...I'll take my own life just to apologize to her."

"Don't do that," She sighs.

I chuckle depressingly, running a hand through my hair. "How else am I going to say I fucked up? How am I supposed to say that I never meant any insult that I said? How do I say I'll be haunted by her? How do I say that she was important to me? How do I even remotely begin to explain that I'm pretty fucking sure that I love her?" Ashlyn looks away. "I can't if she's not there to hear it, so I'll be with her."

"Ben, stop it. I'm not gonna let you kill yourself."

"Why? So I can remind you of all the terrible things I've done to Carmen? She could be dead because if me!" I yell. I sigh in a poor attempt to calm myself. "Please, Ash. I can't live with that,"

§§§§

I keep my head down as the hours pass on. My leg bounces rapidly, as I wait anxiously for news of Carmen's condition. The boys are here now, along with their girlfriends. I refuse to talk to anyone, but its not like I can. Hours of screaming and sobbing had quite the rapid effect on my vocal cords.

Sam and James walk over, sitting beside me. I don't look up. I know they already know the whole story, and I wouldn't be able to stand the hateful glare of James without breaking down.

"How is she?" Sam asks. I simply shrug, unable to answer. I see James rolls his eyes out of the corner of my vision. I bite my lip, contemplating moving outside to smoke a cigarette.

I do so, removing myself from the bleak waiting room, checking to see if I still even had cigarettes. I walk away from the hospital, knocking out a cigarette from the carton and into my hand. I light it, inhaling sharply in desperation for some relief.

"You're not supposed to smoke out here," I hear Quinn mutter.

My eyes narrow at her, my face contorting to the harshest glare I could give. Quinn doesn't even flinch at me, her expression is calm and laced with a strange pity. It isn't a pity that makes you feel pitied and weak, it's a look of understanding; a look of I know what it's like. "I know you're worried,"

I look up, the simple words felt like a knife through the heart. We look at each other, and she only reads me for just a second before I begin to break down. Hot tears start to fall from my eyes as my breath breaks into a sob.

All I want to do is scream, but it comes out fractured and frail, and I hate it. "She has to live, I love her." I cry out.

"Ben, she will." Quinn says, hardly making an effort to comfort me.

My blood begins to feel hot, almost burning my skin. "Go." I spit. "You have right to come out here and expect me to be fine."

"You're so selfish." She scoffs.

"What?"

"All you care about is yourself! Carmen's in a hospital fighting for her life, and you're acting like the victim. What if she doesn't live? Will you still love her then when she's gone?

"No, people like you always move on in the first week. I should know. I'm not helping you because; one, you did this to her! You we're so harsh to her that it made her feel helpless. What if life at home is bad too?

"Do you know what that does to a person? It makes them feel small, and it's like the whole world has nothing for you. You have no where safe to at least make you the slightest bit happy.

"You made it worse for her, so don't expect now to make anything better. You practically killed her."

/ / /

!!!!!! XxCharlieScene  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE AMAZING COVER LOVE !!! UGH YOURE SUCH A DOLL !!!!

writes :)) my :)) depression :)) into :)) everything :))

im so sorry. this is long overdue. last 2 chapters will probably be when im 20 tbh due to a rlly cool boy literally fucking up my whole life story :))))))))))

Please remember, if you are feeling depressed or suicidal there are always people willing to help you. And if you feel like they don't, I'm always happy to help you.

Because life is important, and it might not seem so now but there are always good things awaiting you.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. ♡♡♡♡

-kenn