Sitting in the darkness, staring at my phone. Their voices are roaring in my head. They just won't stop. It's pretty simple. A guy cheats on you, you dump him. You do not have to get the entire world, including me, involved in this. My tears slowly roll down my cheeks and I start trembling. All that tension, all that stress, all their voices.. They're yelling.. They're killing me.
"I'm calling 911. If you never hear of me again, please try to find out what happened to me, and ask about me.." I slowly type.
I click 'send'.
My thoughts start wandering, but I remember what I must do. I slowly dial the numbers: 9,1,1. Yes, I'm calling the police. I have rights, and one of these rights is to feel safe in such a place. I keep staring at my phone and do not notice that someone replied until it says 00:00:30 on my screen. I frantically press the phone to my ear and mumble, "hello?"
An officer replies, "hello! Yes ma'am, how can I help you?"
I mumble the issue quickly and have to repeat several sentences again and again because my voice is too low, and I don't want Them to hear me.
He tells me that he can call the concerned party for me, and that he can help me.
Feelings of fear rush through me.
-"O-oh, never mind I'm fine. It's all okay. Goodbye.." I say quickly
-"Are you sure, ma'am? They can help you, you know," He replies.
-"N-no I'm fine, trust me. Thank you. Goodbye."
I hang up and take a deep breath.
I received many messages during that one minute or so.
Let's see. Questions about homework, friends saying 'hi', and one other text..
I curse myself under my breath. I worried Her. WHY AM I SO STUPID?
She wants to call me. I run to my desk and, with shaking hands, start looking for my bedroom's keys.
When I finally find them, I lock the door and tell Her that She can call me now if She wants to. And She does. Throughout the long periods of silence, She understands that I want to kill Him. That I hate Him so much that I wouldn't feel guilty if I killed Him. Tears are running down my cheeks.
16 minutes later, we hang up.
I press the blade to my wrist and I cut, hoping it hits some main vein or artery and that I bleed. To death. I am crying. I cannot stop. I do not stop until my entire arm is bleeding. But I do not die. I am, unfortunately, still alive.
I decide to study really hard and to sleep at 9. And I do, with Her checking on me regularly.
Two days after Her concerned texts, the weekend ends. Time for school. She wants to see me during the break or 2nd period. I do not have any breakfast because I'm too nervous.
I walk, with terrified steps, to where I'm supposed to meet Her. I'm trembling with fear.
15 minutes of a casual conversation later, I learn that she's calling Them.
'She is calling Them, She is calling Them,' the words are repeated in my head. I'm yelling now. I am letting go of any traces of politeness left in my behavior. I am trembling. I am scared.
She thinks I'm overreacting. I return to my class, dazed. I have a math class, and I skipped half of it. I take out a juice box and text my best friend. I take sips of juice and have trouble swallowing it. There's a lump in my throat.
'Why aren't you here? Why aren't you here? Come back! I MISS YOU. I want to talk to you. Please, please, please.' Thoughts are flooding into my brain and I am shaking. I try to fight the tears that are welling in my eyes, but I can't. I can't breathe. I take deep, shaky breaths, then press my forehead to the desk and let it all out. All the nervousness, the humiliation, the anger, the sadness, the confusion of the past 50 minutes or hour.
I wipe my tears and ask my teacher for permission to go to the bathroom. Through all the tears and the tightness in my chest, one thought is beginning to form in my head.
Do not trust anyone.
Do not trust anyone.
Never.
Not under ANY circumstances.
EVER.
I return just as the bell is about to ring. My next class starts. My best friend texts me because she wants to know what's going on. I try to text her some important details, but She texts me. I switch to the other conversation quickly. She wants me to come again if I'm distracted after promising her that I'll become a hippie and some shit like that. Just as I write "okay hold on", my teacher notices the phone and takes it away. I barely have time to lock it, claiming in vain that I was just checking to see what time it was.
5 minutes later, I tell my teacher that I have to see Her. She grunts and complains, asking if it was really necessary, but I insist, and she agrees.
I run. And I find Her. I tell Her that my phone was taken away, and She says She's sorry.
She tells me about how the conversation went. Not too bad, but not good at all, either.
She asks me to not hate Her, and I tell Her that I only make my decisions at night, when I'm twisting and turning in my sleep.
Begging my teacher to give me my phone back, fake excuses, hopelessly hoping that I'll be able to go back to talking to my best friend. I need her. I need my phone back. Need to talk to her. I miss her. She's what I look forward to, every single day.
'Please, please, please,' my mind whispers, and I clasp my hands and literally beg her.
I get my phone back.
Enough humiliation for the day. Enough. Enough. Enough.
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Random Posts
RandomHi everyone! So this is basically a story that will include feelings of different people. Not only sad and depressed moments, but happy and joyful too. It kind of differs from one person to another, you know :)
