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Chapter 6: Get Me out of Here

With trembling hands, I reach out and grab the book I read during some of my worst days. The 'worst' days I now think of as some of the best days in my life. The book my best friend and I talked about. She was there. I miss her.

Memories of seeing the class I was in last year are blurring my vision. I can't concentrate on reading. Too many memories in a single place. Too many memories in a single year.

I decide to try online therapy. I've had enough of having to socialize with people for help. And in the end, after having to actually TALK to people, I end up dying instead of living a happy life with rainbows and butterflies and unicor-

BLAH BLAH BLAH

I'm so mad that I quit the conversation with my listener on the therapy website. I curse aloud. Fuck this shit!

I finished all what I'm supposed to study, so I grab my phone and actually find a couple of messages. People don't usually think of me. I am alone in here. I silently hope that the messages aren't all about homework or the like.

My best friend. It's my best friend. Smiling to my phone's screen, I text her. We talk and talk about all the things that will ever occur to the human brain. She's wonderful. She always makes my day, no matter how horrible it's going. My phone vibrates and a message appears. Oh well, guess I'm not such a fuck up. Guess I didn't make Her mad, after all. I relax a little bit.

I quickly make myself a cup of green tea and drink it. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Good, I think. Now I won't binge. I smile to myself and continue chatting with people, seeming confident across our phones' screens. Such a horrible world. Such big lies.

After promises to meet up with Her tomorrow, I finally go to sleep.

Next Day

Again, I can't even finish half a banana for breakfast. My heart is beating way too fast, and I'm nervous. On my way to school, I hear crows cawing from a nearby veranda. I don't know whether I believe in bad luck or not. I guess I just haven't really tested it before.. AND I'm not very superstitious. I have to remember I heard crows this morning. If nothing happens during my day, I won't ever believe in superstitions (even partially) ever again.

I walk to my class. Everyone would still be in class now. They have a German class, and I have a French class. I open the door slowly as to not attract anyone's attention, but there's nobody inside! I quickly grab my books and run upstairs. I catch a glimpse of my French teacher inside the main hall. No! Come on! There's no way there's an assembly at like 8:30AM!

My friend passes me and asks if there's something in the main hall. We ask a basketball coach near the door and he says that it's for students who are in a higher grade than we are. I am relieved. I run upstairs to the class where I'm supposed to have my French class, but nobody's there. I find 3 girls in the corridor who seem just as lost as I am. We hurry downstairs, and a teacher just outside the main hall's door tells us to go inside. The shaking begins when she opens the door. Everyone's eyes turn to the 4 of us. I nervously smile and see Her sitting to the right. I hurry to a seat at the back with nobody next to me. The friend I saw a bit earlier comes and sits next to me. WHY? My brain mutters. I feel so visible. It feels like everyone is burning a hole in my face.

15 minutes or so into the assembly about corruption, I am very nervous. I keep checking my watch every 10 seconds or so. I want this to end. My heart is beating so awfully fast. I don't know why this is happening. This has never happened before. Someone is standing by my left shoulder. I keep staring to the front. I don't want to make any movement that would attract attention to me.