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Chapter 7: Him

All those sleepless nights I spent by the window, hoping he'd somehow remember my existence and walk to my house. He's probably in that boarding school of his, but what do I know? What if.. What if he's not a boarding student anymore? And so I wait, and I cry, and I randomly do weird things. I print out an adult coloring page and start coloring it. I take random books out of my library and flip through them. I grab my journal and write my heart out. Nobody's online, not that I'd talk to anyone now. I'm sick of my phone, sick of people, sick of the thought in the back of my head that's telling me he'll never come back. 

But what do I have to lose? No friends. No feelings. Nothing. 

I'm not human. 

Thoughts and flashbacks flooding through my head now. The first time I saw him. I remember thinking he was normal. The first time we kissed, even though we weren't dating. When he saw me with my several new haircuts. His beautiful laugh as he called me a 'pretty hedgehog'. The day I changed into other clothes in front of him, and he didn't rape me. He didn't do anything against my will. The mutual trust between us. When we lay in bed in our underwear, not for sex, but just to feel each other. To appreciate each other. He told me I looked like a masterpiece. The day he carried me. The day we went to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. Going into antique shops while the owners stared at us and told us we were too young for this. Getting kicked out of the play area in McDonald's. Meeting his mother and siblings. The most passionate kiss we had, when I found out he was leaving the country in Christmas. When he said 'I love you' for the first time. Realizing I'm in so much trouble than I thought. I love him too. The promise ring. Wearing it all day and claiming I 'found it in my drawer while cleaning it'. When I found out he was cheating on me. The day I slapped him and ran home. The day I found out he was lying. The breakup. When I found out that both our lives have turned to hell after leaving each other. Both of us, slowly sinking into depression. 

I miss him. More than the dry earth misses rain. More than anything. 

And weeks of waiting later, his unexpected appearance. Sitting on the pavement under the building, his head in his hands. Running downstairs in my pajamas with the chilly midnight air in my face. The way he looked once he saw me. Gasping. Seeing him after over two months and a half. The hug that lasted over 10 minutes, with tears streaming down both of our faces. Longing for each other. Unable to live without each other. The happiest day, telling me he's staying. Feeling his skin and his lips once again. The inability to let go of his hand for the rest of the night. Texting each other till the morning after coming back home. 

Planning to have a wonderful time in the upcoming Christmas holiday. 

Feeling unexplainable love, for the first time.  The only human being I love, with me. Forever.