Ayeee :) okay I'm sorry I haven't updated masked in ages but I've been really busy with exams, hockey and personal things. I did update Sometimes It Just Chooses You though so yeahh I'm not God, I can't do everything. Holidays are in like 2 weeks so I'll be able to update then.
I would like to dedicate this chapter to _Gottalovecats_ because she is the reason I started writing fan fiction. She is an incredible author and I really look up to her :) I know I will never be as good as her but she's just so amazing I had to say something. Kat is always so nice when I give her my lonnggggg twitter feedbacks on pretty much every chapter and all in all she's a really cool person. So yeah I just wana say thank you for everything and I love you Kat :)
Okaayy and last little bit I swear, to any of the people who are reading this fan fic and a character is based on them, please don't get offended by this chapter. I said this book was very close to me and I meant it. I'm sorry if you don't like it buts the truth. Okay? Okay now let's get to it :) x
"Come on idiot. Let's go. Your sob story friendship with Shay is not really our problem. Austin is waiting and I can't walk over there without the reason we met." Carla says in an irritable tone.
I look up at her, I love Austin but I don't think introducing them was the best idea. Its been a week and all I hear from either of them is each other.
I stand up from my desk, I look around the class to make sure Shay is gone. I'm not avoiding her, its just suits me better when we don't bump into each other around school.
I follow Carla and Keren out to the sports field where I see Austin waiting. He smiles at us and pulls Carla into a hug. Keren and I await awkwardly for the pair to include us in the conversation. I pull up my sleeves in attempt to keep myself busy. I remember the painfully visible scars and quickly shove them down my arms.
"Sooo.. what are you all doing these holidays?" Austin asks, breaking a silence that I didn't even know there was to be broken.
"Nothing much... You?" Carla says, leaning her long slim body against the bleachers
"Don't know yet.." Austin replies.
I look down... Austin and I both know what we'll be doing... As I look up I notice Austin is looking at me from the corner of his eye. Its good to know that I'm not alone.. That I'm not the only one who remembers its his birthday... That I won't be the only one crying during the holidays while everyone else is having fun.
We all step up onto the bleachers and carry on talking. Or in my case I just carry on smiling and hoping that nobody sees me sweat.
*Next Day*
We're back on the bleachers in our little group. Its getting easier and easier to hang around them.
We're all having a good time and we seem pretty comfortable in each others presence. As I laugh at a joke Keren made my arms get goose bumps and I know before I see her that Shay is standing behind me.
"Can we talk?" She asks me softly
"Yeah" I say with a straight face.
"Not here.." She says leading me away from my new group of friends.
She sits down on a bench out of ear shot of everyone else. I sit facing her but more then a few inches away.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have brought brandon up like that. It wasn't right of me. And I'm sorry for whatever else I said that you took offense to." She says not quite looking me in the eye.
"Yeah and I'm sorry for everything that I said that made you angry or that hurt you." I say. Somewhere deep inside I know this is only the beginning and that there is actually a much deeper issue, other then my issues. We'd been growing apart for weeks now and I'm not sure how to fix it but I really want to, she lights up my life. So much of my world revolves around her. It seems as if everything else is broken...
"Arizona..." She starts but then she pauses as if she doesn't know how to phrase it.
I don't say anything but there is a sharp pain inside of me. She called me by my full name... It might not seem big but to best friends that's a big difference to the usual quirky nicknames and playing around cheerfully with each others full name.
"I don't know how to put this... Its in my personality that I need more then one best friend.."
"Um...what? What are you saying?" I look at her confused, I'm trying to keep a straight face but I know where this is going. Heart breaking is the biggest understatement of the 21st century. It feels as if someone is stabbing me multiple times through the heart and the giving me an acid shower..
"Uhh.. I can't just have one best friend. I get annoyed really easily. Having just one best friend stresses me out and I can't deal with stress.. Before, I've always had a big group of friends and a few best friends. I can't help it, its part of who I am." She finishes off with a sigh.
I stare at her unable to process what she just told me. I feel such an intense pain ripping through my body that I would have fallen off the bench screaming if I could move my body.
"wh..uh..um..." I choke my tears back as I try a stutter a sentence. I feel full of betrayel. "Why?...at the time where I need you most would you choose to do this? If you love me like you said you did why would you ever put me through so much pain? Why would you lead me along like we were going to be best friends forever and that you where never going to leave me if you were planning on it?! Was this hole friendship based on lies?! I put all my energy into this friendship because I have nothing else! You hardly ever act like you care. Majority of the time I feel like you're looking down on me! I try everything to get you to react! I don't know what you want? Are you the type of person who wants hugs and affection? Do you want gifts? Do you want me to say nice things to you? Do you want me to spend time with you? Do you want me to do things for you?! What?! I try so hard and I feel like you do nothing!" I start off softly and stuttering but in the end it turns into shouting and me expressing my exasperation
Her face looks taken aback.."I Don't want to lose you, I'm not breaking up with you...I think we just need time" she says as if I never said any of the other things.
"I'm not sure if time apart is what we need but you never have time for me. Do you realise we haven't hung out once except for that party this whole year? You never make an effort to make plans and I'm just too tired of trying. For someone who doesn't want to lose me you sure aren't acting like it." Tears fall down my cheeks as I feel completely defeated and lost.
She takes a while to reply "I don't know how to fix this."
"Maybe you should start by fighting for me because I'm the one you're in danger of loosing. Not that it looks like you care" I get up without looking at her again and walk past my friends on the bleachers towards the bathroom.
I push open the bathroom stall and pour my heart out. I start sobbing endlessly. All my pain and everything just down in this one moment.
