Summer Rain

XXXVI ~ Caged Bird Sings

{Million Years Ago - Adele}

...I wish I could live a little more, look up to the sky, not just the floor, I feel like my life is flashing by and all I can do is watch and cry...

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              In my recollection of events, as they played out in their unrelenting, unchangeable and seemingly fated sense, now ingrained in my mind like carvings on a wall, I remember the feeling of being tethered to something beyond my comprehension. I knew there was an undercurrent that flowed powerfully through each breathing moment of the people I was surrounded by that Summer. We were all chess pieces, some more significant and powerful than others, and almost all were more aware than I of the situation I was drowning in the weight of.

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July 26th

     My mind was abuzz with the thought of Elliot's urgent tone as his eyes had moved around the surroundings that covered us from prying eyes, like a madman on the run. He was shaky and hurrying to get away from me, yet asking me to see him later, leaving a paradox of desires in my mind. Did he want me to be there or not?

     The time was passing, and sand was falling to the bottom of the hourglass at such a rapid pace that I could see the days shortening and the vibrant summer colours burning before my eyes. It would all inevitably end, as all memories and stories and eras do. There was a set path for me, forming tentatively, as I prayed for Juilliard to respond. Yet, I had changed irrevocably and wholeheartedly that Summer, a change I would never revert from.

     The cabin was quiet when I returned from my task on Tim's behalf, my skin crawling with the thought of what I was now up to my eyeballs in, secrets consuming me like an indelible liquid that stained me, as transparent as water but as corrosive as acid. Cady was on her phone, no surprises there, but Mom and Dad were talking in the bedroom at a much lower volume than they had been of late.

     It was easy for me to think that since Dad and I had spoken, he had changed his ways in a complete 180 and was going to fix everything he had distorted and broken, but I knew too much had been done for it to be suddenly forgotten. Mom was too far past the thought of turning back, and the constant pleading for us to join Dad in England was beginning not to burden me so much as he knew himself that we did not have the same enthusiasm as him for this adventure.

     My feet carried me to the bathroom door at the end of the hallway, shut and locked before me. Clearly, Bodhi must have been occupying the room so I banged loudly on the door, as I always have when he lived at home with us, asking Bodhi to hurry up and vacate the area so I could shower off the guilt of working for Tim. There was a shuffle from beyond the door, but I chose to ignore him since he had probably fallen asleep in the bath again.

    "Is he going to be much longer?" Dad called out to me, talking about Bodhi, who was hogging the bathroom.

    "If only I knew." I sighed, leaning my head against the doorframe of their bedroom, which stood next to the bathroom.

      Mom was beginning to pack the beginning of her things, mostly laundry and empties, into one of her black cases as Dad ran a comb through his hair, both of them existing together, not necessarily harmoniously but in a tolerant ambience that I knew was only a thin veil. Nothing could fix their relationship, at least not in the short term. Still, I knew they were done with screaming over one another and for that, I was grateful.

    "He's been in there for at least a good half hour." Mom interjected. She was void of makeup, and her hair was tied back messily, and for once she looked like herself. "Are you okay honey? You look tired." Her eyes focused on me, narrowing slightly.