Fall Away (joshler)

05: Waiting

Tyler left the bus later that day while Josh was taking a nap.

He was going out to buy those flowers that matched Josh's hair, they were very beautiful and if he wasn't able to kiss the boy, he could at least buy him flowers.

After writing a note saying he was on a walk (because if Josh woke up he would worry where Tyler was), Tyler grabbed his jacket and some cash and left.  It wasn't early in the day but it wasn't late either.  The sky was dimming and there was a slight breeze; it was comforting.  It made Tyler feel.. safe.

He took his time walking to the little street fair, watching the sky and waiting for the sun to set for all the beautiful colors it made.  Tyler was happy such beauty existed, it always reminded him of Josh.

Tyler shook the sappiness off and paid more of his attention to his path so he didn't get lost.  Thankfully he remembered how to get there and strolled along with no worries.

After a few more minutes of walking he found the small street lined with several different stands and saw the one he was looking for. It was small and much emptier that his previous visit and it made Tyler worry that the bouquet he wanted wasn't there.  It might have been though, and maybe there were more, maybe he could get a different one.

But no, he didn't want a different one. He wanted the one that reminded him of Josh.

He's not going to care about the flowers, Ty.

Tyler grimaced but continued his way to the flower table.  "Fuck you, B."

Oh looks like we're getting closer to saying me name, huh?

"Fuck off."

Oh come on Tyley-boo, just say my name. You know you want to.

Tyler cringed at how disgusting his voice could sometimes sound, but said nothing back. Bullies go away if you don't acknowledge them, right?

Not-Tyler kept trying to bother Tyler as he looked at all the flowers at the table.  But he said nothing back, he didnt have the energy to argue.. not after what he had done.

However everything was quickly pushed from his mind and a smile found its way to his face as he found the collection beautiful pale blue flowers.

He quietly asked for them and payed as the lady running the stand gently wrapped them.

"These are very beautiful. I'm sure she'll love them," she said with a smile while handing Tyler the flowers.

Tyler blushed a little and whispered, "Yeah, I hope he does.."

And with that he held the flowers close to his chest and smiled on his way back to the bus. He really hoped that Josh would like the flowers.  The flowers that Tyler had bought platonically. Yes. Just a gift for worrying him, of course.

Although after what Josh had told him last night, Tyler wasn't actually sure how platonic it was.  Either way, Josh would love the flowers.

No, I already told you he won't, Not-Tyler said. He was so nasty, so negative.

"Yes he will," Tyler harshly replied.  "He'll love them because they're from me.

Not-Tyler laughed and a wave of disgust was sent down Tyler's spine.

He won't like them. And if he says he does, you know he's lying. You know it, Ty.

He tried to shake off the voices words but he was starting to doubt himself.  Tyler's walk slowed and he looked down at the flowers, which now sat loosely in his hands. What if Josh didn't like them?  What if he just lied to Tyler to make him feel better? Did Josh even like these kinds of flowers?

He didn't want to let these thoughts in but they pushed their way in.  They weren't his thoughts, but he accepted them.

So he sat in front of the doors to the tour bus, and stared at the flowers in his hands.  The sky was dark now and stars brightly shined through due to the lack of lights.  Tyler loved the stars.

Tyler loved Josh.

Josh loved Tyler.

But did he really?

Tyler slowly stood up and looked at the stars, remembering what someone had once told him.

"The brightest star you see is the one where all the souls of your loved ones are kept.  They're always looking out for you."

Tyler was just waiting on his crime of loving someone so beautiful. And he couldnt wait until he could look out for Josh. He was waiting until he could be up there.

But for now he was right here, in the middle of near nowhere on his way to somewhere. So he walked inside and smiled at the sight of the still sleeping Josh. Under where he was laying on the couch was an empty drawer, so Tyler gently pulled it out and set the flowers in it.

Josh wouldn't want them anyway.