Pain Without Love (BTS Jungkook Fanfic)

Fifteen

As soon as my name escaped her lips, she bolted up from her chair and ran towards me, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"Lillian.. I'm so sorry.."

I stayed emotionless and limp in her arms as she began to cry on the crease of my neck.

I felt sympathy.

Sympathy I never thought I would have for this woman.

She released me from her hug, looking into my eyes. Her makeup was completely messed up now, her eyes were red and puffy, tears streaming down her cheeks. She slowly back away from me with her head hung low.

"I understand if you don't want to see me anymore, Lillian.."

Her voice was soft and weak as she spoke, head still hung low.

"I know I haven't been the best mother in the world to you.. I didn't give you the upbringing you deserved.."

She finally looked up at me, her bottom lip quivering as she continued.

"But I want you to know that I love you. I do love you. You were never an accident or mistake to me. I remember when I found out I was pregnant, I was scared, I was shunned, but I carried you all the way through and when I got to hold you in my arms.. I knew you would be the best thing that would ever happen to my shitty excuse for a life."

Tears began to well up in the corners of my eyes as I listened to her speak.

"When I watched you run away from me, I was scared. I was scared of losing my little girl. When you didn't come back home, I couldn't sleep. I started thinking, thinking of how much of a shitty mother I have been to you. I want you to know.. I'm sorry. My apology may not be what you want but I want you to know I'm sorry for letting you have the life you have now.. I'd take it all back if I could, Lillian."

The tears finally fell down my cheeks as I lunged forward, grabbing ahold of my mother and sobbing hysterically.

"It's okay, mom. It'll be okay.. Just.. Please be my mother.. I need you."

She wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my back lightly as I cried into her shoulder. She lifted me off of her shoulder and began wiping my tears away with her thumbs.

"Shhh baby, don't cry. I promise I'll be what you deserve. You're too beautiful to cry now."

I nodded lightly at her, tears still threatening to flow loosely down my cheeks.

"Thank you.."

~

The weekend had quickly gone by, bringing Monday faster to me than what I wanted.

Hearing my alarm clock, I threw my arm on top of it, hitting the snooze button. I quickly raised my hands, rubbing my eyes.

"God I hate Monday's.. I hate school.."

Throwing my covers off of my body sloppily, I stepped out of bed and towards my dresser to rummage throw and find something to wear.

As soon as I threw on some clothes, I fixed my hair and walked downstairs, my nose infiltrated by the sweet smell of blueberries.

Lazily walking into the kitchen, I plopped down into one of the kitchen table seats. I squinted my eyes at the surroundings, the sun too right for comfort, noticing my mother at the stove. It was a sight I hadn't seen for years.

"What are you cooking, mom?"

She turned around and smiled gently, bringing something towards me.

"I made some blueberry muffins, it's just a family recipe that's been passed down."

I watched her set the muffin on the plate that was in front of me. Staring at it for a couple of seconds, I brought it to my mouth and took a bite out of it.

Holy shi-

"This is so good!"

My mother chuckled to herself before she looked up at the clock.

"Lillian, you better head to school or you'll be late."

Quickly scarfing down my muffin, I grabbed my school bag, running towards the front door and opening it after I yelled my goodbyes.

I stepped outside and began my familiar walk towards the school.

It was quiet today. The BTS gang wasn't in the alley way like they usually were. I was bummed that I didn't get to see Jungkook, giggling slightly to myself as I recalled how he slept with his mouth slightly open.

That boy needs to hide his soft side better if he wants people to believe he's 110% "gang material".

Making my way inside the chilly school for another long boring day, I began my normal routine by going to my locker.

Everything seemed normal today, nothing strange or indifferent was happening. I haven't even seen Jungkook anywhere, he isn't harassing me like he usually does at school.

Lunch time had quickly came, grabbing my lunch tray, I headed up towards the roof. Softly opening the door, I instantly dropped my try to what I seen.

Jungkook and his so called girlfriend were making out in the middle of the roof, directly in front of the enters me to the roof.

After my tray hit the ground, his eyes met mine, pulling away form the girl. Before he could say anything, I turned around and slammed the door to the roof, running down the stairs with tears threatening the corners of my eyes.

See, alone again aren't we?

Does your heart hurt, Lillian?

Let me help you again..

___________________________

I got a paper cut under my thumb nail while trying to open an envelope.. Yay.

Happy thanksgiving everyone! (Sorry if you're unfamiliar with this holiday.)

I hope you all are doing well!

Stay tuned for the next chapter---