As soon as his nickname slipped from my throat, realization hit me like a brick wall. My head was burning with confusion. Why would he tell me now? Why couldn't he have said something sooner?
"Lily.. I'm sorry I never told you.."
My body filled with anger, he's been lying to me about this since day one. He knew who I was and still tried to take advantage of me.
"Why didn't you tell me!"
My voice was raising slightly as his eyes widened.
"I don't know, I didn't think it would matter if I told you-"
"Are you stupid! Do you know how long I looked for that boy! Do you know how worried and scared I got when his letters stopped! I thought you died!"
His face was completely blank as I yelled at him. I turned away from him and walked off, not wanting to continuously destroy my mind with these mental games.
~
Looking at my alarm clock, I sighed.
11:47 pm.
I threw my head backwards into my pillow, frustrated that I'm not able to sleep. My mind kept replaying the conversation that happened today.
Kookie...
Lifting up, I looked around my dark room, the street light from outside giving me just enough light to see everything inside my room.
I threw the covers off of me, completely irritated by this point of being sleep deprived. Stepping onto the floor, I quietly walked to my closet and opened it. The street light gave me enough light to vaguely see some things inside the closet.
I got down onto my knees and started shoving things around on the bottom until I felt a familiar box. Picking it up, I walked slowly over to my bed and say it down with me.
It was on old converse shoe box, it had most of my childhood memories onside of it. I kept mostly everything inside this box.
I lifted the lid slowly, letting it fall onto the backside. It was filled with letters, pictures, notes, everything. I slowly dug around on the inside until I found what I was looking for.
Lifting up a stack of papers, held in a tight rubber band, I snapped it off and held the stack of papers in my hand.
Kookies letters..
Quickly unfolding the first one, I reread the sentence that he gave me with every letter. This time, I noticed something I hadn't before.
In the top right corner, was a drawing of a butterfly.
I traced my thumb over it, not remembering ever seeing it there as a kid.
Butterfly..
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the tiny taps on my window, curious, I got up and opened my curtains to see something I didn't expect.
Jungkook was staring up at my window from the ground, pebbles in hand, and his face a red mess. As soon as he seen me, I watched his lips turn into a small smile, quietly opening my window.
"Jungkook.. Why are you here? I don't want to see you."
He dropped the pebbles from his hand and shoved both of his hands into his jeans pockets, stil staring upwards at me.
"Meet me at the park, I want to talk to you."
Before I could protest, he walked off into the dark towards where I can only guess is the park.
Shutting my window, I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and quickly grabbed his letters before making my way downstairs and quietly leaving the house towards the park.
~
When the park was in view for me, I noticed Jungkook sitting in the same swing as the first time I had actually met him. His face was turned to me as I walked up behind him.
"Are you lonely?"
His face shot up at me, surprised. I didn't actually mean to say those words, but they were the only ones that fit this situation.
He hung his head down low, just like that night.
"No, I'm not lonely."
He looked back up at me and smiled gently. All I could see was the beaten up little boy with swollen lips. Why didn't I realize sooner..
"Lily, don't think of anything. Don't say even a single word. Just give me a smile."
His face showed more emotion that I had ever seen, he had clearly been crying. I gently smiled at him, like he wanted.
"I'm really sorry.. I've caused you so much pain. I didn't want to stop giving you those letters, I just wanted you to forget about me. I didn't want to bring you into my situation. You seemed too happy to be brought down with me."
He paused for a second and gently chuckled at himself.
"I remember seeing you everyday from the alley way. I was glad you didn't remember who I was. Even though it still hurt.."
He looked at my hand and noticed the stack of papers.
"Are those my letters.."
I lifted them up slowly and looked at them before handing them to him. He took them and quickly unfolded the first one, a smile widening across his face as he read his own words and traced his thumb over the butterfly in the corner.
He looked back up at me, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He stood up from his swing and instantly grabbed me into his arms, letting my head test in his chest. He pushed the hair away from my ear, whispering.
"Will you stay by my side? Will you promise me?"
He paused for a second.
"Incase you'll fly away or shatter if I let go of your hand..."
He squeezed me tighter in his arms.
"I'm afraid...
Of losing you.."
___________________________
Guess who isn't dead?
Sorry for this EXTREMELY long wait for an update. I had the worst writers block. I hope you can forgive me... I promise not to stay away for that long again. <3
Stay tuned for the next chapter---
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Pain Without Love (BTS Jungkook Fanfic)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] He was in a gang with an awful home life. No one knew. She was "the whore" of the school because of her mother. Everyone knew. Through all the pain, blood, tears, and suffering, can they find love and a happy ending? "I know what you d...
