Pain Without Love (BTS Jungkook Fanfic)

Eighteen

I'm afraid

Of losing you.

His words brought tears to my eyes as soon as they registered in my mind. I softly lifted my head away and off his chest, to look into his eyes.

"Kookie.."

He lightly smiled at the childhood nickname.

"What happened to you.."

His smile faltered at my question, he slowly looked away before letting go of me. I watched his face turn to a mix of anger and sadness as he thought about something. Still not looking at me, he finally spoke.

"Do you.. Do you really want to know?"

Studying his face a second longer, he finally locked eyes with me, making me nod at his question.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair as he let out a heavy breath.

"Lily, you know this won't be happy, right?"

What he didn't know is that I already had a feeling about what was going on. From the busted faced little boy to the beer bottles in his house, I was starting to piece everything together.

I nodded my head once more at him, giving him the signal to carry on what he was going to say.

"Come on, let's walk."

He lightly smiled at me before slowly reaching down to my hand and pulling me away from the park to walk down the sidewalk in darkness, only being lit by the street lights.

He lightly let go of my hand only to shove his hands into his pockets and stare down the dark sidewalk.

"This is a shitty story, are you sure?"

I shrugged lightly.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

He chuckled at my response, looking over at me.

"After all that's happened, you deserve a reason."

I smiled to myself as I stared at the sidewalk we were walking down, suddenly hearing him clear his throat.

"That night, the night I had a busted lip and bruised eye, do you remember?"

I hummed a yes in response.

"I got home from school that day, with a note in my hand saying how bad of a kid I was in school. I remember standing in front of my door, I remember my hands trembling as I squeezed the paper."

I continued to stare at the sidewalk, remembering his face that night.

"I was only ten years old, I didn't know how bad things were going to get. I stepped into the house and was instantly confronted by my father about getting a phone call from school."

He chuckled to himself before continuing.

"He ripped the paper out of my hands and read it. He leaned down in my face and screamed about how I was a naughty kid. The smell of alcohol on his breath was revolting. I could have puked."

I looked up towards him, seeing the face of him remembering that night. I couldn't tell what feelings were going through his head.

"I sat there and took his screaming. He walked back into the kitchen and started screaming at my mother. I can't remember what it was over honestly. It was probably about me. I heard a smack and a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen only to see my mother on the floor with my father over top of her.."

He slowed down his walking, his face started to turn into anger as I watched him slowly.

"Anger took over me and I instantly ran up behind him and started punching him in the back. It was stupid. How could a ten year old take on a grown man. I guess, the love for my mother gave me the strength. Even though I lost horribly. As soon as he felt me on his back, he turned around and full on punched me in the eye. I remember falling backwards, holding my eye. Damn, it hurt seriously bad."

He chuckled more to himself.

"I got back up and went after him again. This time, he grabbed me by shirt and punched me again. That time in the lip."

He lifted his finger up to rub his lip where his father punched him those years ago.

"My mom was screaming at me to leave. I had tears streaming down my face as she continued to scream at me and beg father to stop hitting me. I had no choice but to listen to her and run. I eventually landed at the park, sitting on the swings. I cried for I don't know how long, until you showed up. You were so pretty, I was terrified to talk to you. I probably looked like shit that day."

He smiled down at me, making me smile gently back at him.

"I didn't want to leave you, but I knew things would get worse from that day. I was right. He would hit me almost every night when I tried to stop him from hitting my mom."

I watched his hands clench in his pants.

"I would sneak out every night just to put those letters between the tree and rock. I didn't want you to think I disappeared."

He sighed heavily.

"I only left because my mother gave up on me.. Once she was gone, I lost myself. I didn't know who or what I was fighting for anymore. I just wanted her. I left you because I didn't want you to get hurt, I didn't want to get hurt myself. I couldn't lose someone all over again. I just.. Couldn't."

He stopped his walking completely, grabbing me into his arms again.

"Please don't leave me. I don't know what I would do."

I smiled into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent. My tears were slowly starting to come out, wetting his shirt.

"I won't, Kookie.. Just, don't leave me.."

He pulled himself back to look into my eyes, he stayed silent. His eyes traveled down to my lips and he slowly started to lean in. My heart started to race as I found myself slowly leaning in as well. Our lips connected as his grip on me tightened. He slowly lifted his hands up to my jawline to pull my lips in closer for a deeper kiss. He slowly pulled away, our foreheads resting on each other's, he whispered something against my lips.

"I promise, I won't leave."

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Why do I keep getting terrible writers block?

Stay tuned for the next chapter---