Whatever Gets You Through The Night

My Best Friend Likes Yours, Maybe We Should Fuck

Alternatively Titled: I Am Greatly Sorry But I Literally Love Ryden So Much i Have To Write Ryden So Here It Is, Hidden In A Facade Of Petekey But Seriously This Is Mostly Ryden Yikes

(A/N) Dedicated to my dear friend 'Theresa Jem Summers' because she has a crush on one of my friend's friend *coughs*. Also, after I finished writing this I decided to dedicate this to my other friend whom I will call by the name Torpedophile, because I took too much inspiration from our daily conversations to shape Ryan and Pete's. But I digress with worthless a/ns, please enjoy the story!

"Ryan, you like that dude with a big forehead right?" Pete leaned into his actually platonic TM best friend Ryan's ear and whispered.

"Once again, Pete," Ryan sighed. "If you're forcing me to be with him just so you can win your bet with Spence that you can get Brendon Urie to lay me by age 16, I'm not even going to fucking consider answering your question."

"That's literally the same as answering yes to my questi-"

"Gosh, quit it Pete Wentz, if you want me to say I have a crush on him, then you might as well just think so! It doesn't matter what other people think anyways it's not like I'm into that big fucking forehead boy Urie or anything like seriously what does Pete even think..." Pete's friend just rambled on, their pale cheeks slowly reddening. They were, Pete guessed, thinking of Urie's big things, and those things were most likely, in Ryan's imagination, not limited to just Urie's forehead.

"I'll tell Mikey you like him then." Pete smirked. He had been thinking of that one actually smooth pickup line for ages, and this could be the actual time he could put it to good use.

"No, fuck you Pete Wentz," Ryan rolled their eyes. "You're never going to get the courage to even look back at Mikey Way, face it mate, you're gayer than Nico Di Angelo for that guy. I'm going to bet with Spence you're the one to get laid by next year."

"I'm totally going to do it though, Ryan," Pete said excitedly. "I'm going to fucking stroll up to his face and say 'Hey, Mikeyway, my best friend likes your best friend, maybe we should fuck!' And he's gonna be like, 'Oh Pete you're so hot yes I'd love be your boyfriend!" And you get to be laid by Forehead Boy!" Pete waved his arms around dramatically, as if it were going to be some elaborate magic show he could pull off.

"Gosh, Pete, please don't. At least wait until Spence comes back from sick leave to talk some sense into yo-"

"I'm higher than a running jet, I'm gonna do it, Ryan Ross! I'm fucking doing it!"

Ryan rolled their eyes again before realising their best friend was actually running like a fucking car to Mikey Way and that boy with the big forehead. Their eyes widened in pure shock and terror as they watched, as if in slow motion, Pete's mouth open and close as as he told his man crush his plans for the both of them. They watched as Pete's words caused Mikey to deadpan and glare at him and Brendon to fucking look at them and-fuck was Forehead Boy blushing at them? Because Ryan Gay Milk Ross was fuckinf blushing back involuntaryily and shake their head at Pete because they really didn't have a thing for Brendon and Mikey was still deadpanning Pete and fuck-

"Hey, Mikeyway," Pete slid over to Mikey and Brendon's lunch table. "My best pal, Ryan Ross," he gestured to Ryan back where they were still surprisingly oblivious to what their best friend was doing, "has a stupid man crush for your best friend, Forehead Boy," Pete smiled apologetically to a completely shocked Brendon Urie, "so to balance things out, we, meaning you Mikey Way and I Pete Wentz, should totally fuck."

And Pete just stood there, gazing all so lovingly into Mikeyway's deadpanning face, completely ignorant of the blaring rage behind the glasses-wearing boy's eyes.

"Oh, of course, Mikey, I'd give you time to consider if you want to fuck but, by the way, you totally should agree, li-"

"Like you should shut up Pete, I'd-ow, that probably hurt for you," and Brendon's words were interrupted with a fist to Pete's nose.

"What was that for?" Pete Wentz asked, shocked, as he rubbed his totally 2004 'I'm Not Okay (I Promise)' MCR video themed bloody nose ha like you know that one picture where gerard has a bloody nose? That was what our dear Pete's nose looked right now, except the blood was 100 TruEmo Blood ™.

Mikey pulled his grey sweater sleeves over his fists, slightly tinted with Pete's nosebleed that was most likely going to cost Pete 20 dollars to fix as Ryan ran over to hand Pete a tissue.

"That," Mikey continued to deadpan Pete. "Was for you being a 'lil prick, Wentz," Mikey stood up, towering well over the small emo Pete Wentz. "And this," Mikey magicked a Sharpie from one of his many unconventional jean pockets, whipped the cap away and jerked Pete's arm to his eye level, which was, frankly, too high for the short lil emo baby that was Pete. "Is for helping Brendon here," he gestured to Brendon who just shrugged. "Not continue to be a hopeless virgin his whole life." All in one swift motion, Mikey Way yanked up Pete's hoodie sleeve, scribbled eight messy numbers on his arm, took his lunch tray and swaggered to the dump bin thing with so much swag as Brendon followed, smiling apologetically at both Pete and Ryan.

"Ok, literally what the actual fuck was that," Ryan asked Pete, draping their hand over their friend's shoulders, trying to suppress the thoughts of even Mikey Fucking Way trying to make them and Brendon a couple and how fucking nice that was because it could actually be true like heyheyhey never say never ay??

"That, George Ryan Ross the Third," Pete said back, draping his hand over Ryan's shoulder too, or attempting to at least, because Ryan was seriously a bit too tall for Pete. "Was Mikeyway being so awesome and cool no one can stand it." Pete stared at his other arm in awe. "And," Pete Wentz said as he started stroking the Sharpie-written numbers on his arm lovingly as Ryan judged his best friend even more, "Mikeyway wrote on my arm. He graced my arm with his Sharpie and his touch, Ryan," Pete looked up to Ryan with seemingly sparking eyes. "I think I'll succeed in courting Mikey."

It was that exact moment that Ryan Ross decided maybe Mikey was the only one who used the right way to approach Pete Wentz, and left with a similar deadpan to the one Mikey wore when he left Pete, only perhaps with more annoyance and less indignant fondness for the emo dwarf.

(a/n: hope u enjoyed that! please comment and vote and shizzle! the academy is... has my soul rip save me cant wake up wake me up inside save me sorry bye thanks ily u all !!!)