Whatever Gets You Through The Night

When did you start to forget? I thought I was more, a little more than that.

"Just out of curiosity, who exactly are you seeing?" Ray asked, sitting cross-legged on Gerard's bed and stroking Lindsey, trying hard to contain his laughter as Gerard angrily splashed paint onto a blank canvas.

"No one you'd know, Ray," Gerard shouted, causing Lindsey to look up a bit to her master. "Goddamnit Ray, you're getting more and more annoying! First it was selling me your crappy art supplies while I tried to do an abstract piece about sorrow, and now you're asking me about my.love life when i'm channeling fucking rage?"

"Dude, chill out," Ray rolled his eyes. "It's just a question, man, just a question."

Gerard plonked down his red paintbrush and panted, sitting in front of the canvas and easel, sweating a bit from the energy used to sweep those aggressive angsty red lines across the blank white surface.

"It's Frank. Frank Iero. I like Frank Iero."

*okaybuthowthehelldidthisprogresssoquickly*

"You're really seeing that new guy?"

"I'm so sorry."

There was silence.

Gerard knew this was a dream. Why else would he be seeing again, and seeing that boy from Italy in particular?

He wasn't supposed to see him. He wasn't supposed to see them. Or hear what he said. The boy Gerard saved was just supposed to be a memory, not a phantom that haunted him.

"When did you start to forget me?" The boy asked.

Silence, and reddened cheeks.

Maybe the cheeks were from the cold, Gerard noticed. It was cold in his dream. The boy was wearing a grey scarf.

"Was I that easy to forget?" the boy pressed.

Silence, aside from the soft sound of falling snow.

"I thought I was more, a little more than that."

Gerard saw the boy turn away, grey scarf flying in the wind as if to wave goodbye to him. He wanted to shout that the boy wasn't that easy to forget, that the boy was still who he was hunting for, who he was desperately trying to find.

But the image of the whirling scarf and shrinking silhouette faded, faded back into the darkness that was real life.

Black, only black.

No monochrome black and white, no colour wheel rainbows.

No whirling grey scarves, no boys from Italy.

Just blackness. Maybe it was because it was night, maybe Gerard's room was dark, or maybe it was just he himself.

*ooflookanothertimeskip*

"Gerard, it's snowing."

"Mikey, it's four in the morning."

"It's fucking snowing oh my gosh," Mikey whispered in awe once again as he pushed his brother's shoulder lightly.

"And it's fucking four a.m. oh my gosh," Gerard mocked sleepily. "Fuck off back to sleep Mikey, I wasn't made in the a.m. like you, if you let me sleep I promise I'll try not to knock over your coffee at night when I get my sleeping pills, is that alright?"

"Nein," Mikey glared at his brother, or, to be more accurate, the writhing blind worm wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. "You have to see this Gerard, like it's first snow we never miss this Gerard pleaseeee."

"Mikey I'm blind," Gerard groaned as he burrowed deeper into his cocoon like blankets, only to be yanked out from the pile by the hand and thrown onto his bed unceremoniously.

"Gerard you have to go out and feel it, at the very least," Mikey pouted. "I'm gonna throw you out if you don't go out yourself. Without Lindsey."

"Fuck you, Gerard flipped Mikey off as he slipped on some socks and a jacket, rushing to get his scarf and Lindsey without even bothering about the fact that people needed to fucking brush their teeth before they left the house in the morning.

"I'm going now, okay Mikey? I'll make sure to knock over your coffee at night."

"Gerard please don't you wouldn't want Lindsey to lick it up."

"I'm in the snow now. What now? It's just snow." Gerard groaned, his morning grouchiness still not gone albeit Mikey and Lindsey's positive vibes.

"Gerard, come on, you're such a killjoy," Mikey pulled Gerard playfully along the snow coated road and to the dog park. "You bring Lindsey around here, I'll go find Brendon and make him come out to see the snow." And with that, Mikey pushed Gerard into a chair and untied Lindsey from her lead, leaving Gerard to feel cold and angsty on his park bench.

"Not enjoying the snow, Gerard?" Frank's footsteps plodded nearer and nearer as Gerard finally felt Frank's weight plonk onto the bench and smiles, cheeks slightly flushing.

"Not really, it's really cold," Gerard replied, and Frank swore it really wasn't that cold, his whole body was burning, it was so hot, or maybe it was just his coat or his ch-

"You don't say," Frank laughed. "How's Lindsey getting along with the cold, though?"

"I dunno. Can you help me see if she's happy? I think she smiles when she's happy. Lindsey, cm'ere." Gerard smiled as Lindsey ran like an arrow to greet Frank and Jamia with a lopsided doggish grin.

"She's really happy, and her tail's wagging like crazy," Frank grinned, trying his level best to conceal the bitterness in his voice.

but theyre so happy togetheri shouldnt sepreate them gerard needs lindsey but i want my puppy back whatdo ido

"Called it," Gerard laughed, and Frank noticed at that oh so convenient time how Gerard wasn't wearing sunglasses like he usually did and how his eyes sparkled as he laughed about Lindsey and smiled at Frank.

i really dont want to do this but i want my puppy back what do i do hes so happy and he looks so adorable when hes happy what do i do i think im-

"How's Jamia then?" Gerard broke Frank's train of thought, smiling at him with that smile, and oh god Frank just wanted to stay in this moment forever with Gerard smiling at him with that perfect little smile.

"She's fine," Frank smiled at Gerard, and Gerard swore that his cheeks weren't just flushing with cold. "She's fine."

Silence, and cheeks flushed with cold.

Maybe the cheeks weren't just from the cold, Gerard noted. The atmosphere was cold, but there seemed so much more hanging in the silence between them.

"D'you want to go out and actually do something in the snow?" Frank asked, the silence still hanging over their heads awkwardly.

Gerard shook his head.

"Oh."

Silence, aside from the soft falling of snow.

The soft falling of snow, and the slight shhhh sound Gerard's jeans made as he slid closer, closer to the other boy.

"Can I sleep on you?" Gerard yawned.

okay lets say im tired then ican sleep on frank

"Um, okay," Frank replied with slight confusion. "Just... Lie here, that's the crook of my neck, there's a grey scarf there, an-"

The world seemed to explode into so much more colour as Gerard's cheeks touched the soft silky cloth of Frank's scarf, so much colours that Gerard hadn't seen in so long. It all seemed so bright, so bright, as if the darkness finally lifted and the light came back into the world.

Colours and light, so much of it.

A cold cheek on another's grey scarf, and then there was so much more colour and light than chasing after someone with a grey scarf with cold cheeks.

The reality seemed so much lighter and colourful than the dream Gerard wanted so hard to chase, so much more colourful than the boy with a grey whirling scarf Gerard wanted to chase.

Maybe this was the right choice.