Decisions for Withdrawal (Alice in Chains)

Prologue

Everyday, I can't help but wonder what else I can do for him. I make all the choices. People tell me they're wrong but in my heart I know they're right. Every choice I make is because I love him. He's lost the ability to make choices. The toxic chemicals in his body decide for him. He's a puppet with no control. You could say I love him to death and that I help poison him. I frequently surrender to my thoughts, feeling guilty for sticking around and holding on to something that might not last. I've done so much for him and I'm so deep into "us" that I can't leave him. I know he loves me.

I've known Jerry for five years; I've loved him for three. He tells me to leave all the time and never come back. Often he tells me he hates me for staying with him and keeping the roof over his head. He hates me for enabling him yet he calls me crying when I leave him for more than five minutes.

If I left this relationship behind I'd be well-off on my own. My own family would take me back if I did that. I would be able to see my mom again and get a better job. Every dime I make wouldn't fuel his addiction. Everyone's left him, even most of his friends. He calls himself a pathetic loser and it breaks my heart because he's so loving and talented.

Jerry can't leave his relationship; his arms and legs are stapled to the walls with a thousand needles. He's trapped and the hole is too deep to climb out. I hate the monster he's become and all the mean things he says to me but I still love the man he is. I still remember why I love him.

Jerry sacrifices his life every day, and I do too.