Popov.

Introduction

            ‘Death always upsets people,’ Peter read out from the report. ‘Death is cold, unfeeling and sombre. And this is the result from over three million responses to the questionnaire we published, there were no positive comments. People just don’t like Death. So you can see why I suggest that this needs changing.’ He lifted a mug from the coffee table in front of him and sipped at its contents before looking across at his companion, who nodded.

‘No one has ever mentioned this before,’ the man in the white suit said as he leafed through the sheets of paper he balanced on his knee. Both were sat, snug, in brown easy chairs in the window of a coffee shop. Outside was the swirling white of low cloud fog that hid the view.

‘God, who would dare?’ said Peter. The man inclined his head.

‘I get your point. Well what about his family?’

‘He’s divorced, well separated at least, and she has met someone else. Lack of family life, outside stimulation doesn’t seem to benefit him at all. He needs to have something to take his mind off work.’ Peter said.

‘Well I can’t just invent a girlfriend for him can I? Well I mean I could, but it wouldn’t be right. No, it needs to be something else. Leave it with me, I will see what I can do.’ Both men stood.

‘Will I see you at the millennium bash later?’ asked Peter.

‘Millennium bash? What bash? What time?’

‘Seven of the clock, Greenwich mean time.’

‘Oh Ok. Which millennium is it?’

‘God, if you can’t remember, who can. It’s earth’s first since man began keeping a record.’ Peter sighed, ‘It’s being held on Olympus especially in your honour. Greek food and everything, right down to the crockery smashing, as I understand it. It’s really just for you as after all, you did create the earth.’

‘I know Peter, but I surely can’t be expected to remember everything. Being omnipotent and omnipresent does take its toll you know. I must say that this Filofax thing that Mary bought me has helped a lot. But obviously I must have forgotten to write that one down. Will Death be there?’

‘You know him, not a party animal as they say.’ St Peter adjusted his robe to hang straight.

‘Hmmm,’ said God, ‘We will see what we can do about that. I think I have a plan, I think I know a character who could help. Just the man. We don’t want Death to become unpopular now do we? I’ll send the guy I’m thinking about to your department first, see what you think of him.’

‘But it mustn’t look as if we are up to something, helping him or anything of the kind. You know how rebellious and stubborn Death can be.’

‘Do I ever. Who could forget when he was in that gang and those four idiots were riding those darn warhorses everywhere, whooping and hollering.’

‘Then there was the time Plague and he caused a major reduction in the earth’s population.’ Peter picked some dirt from under a finger nail.

‘I know,’ sighed God, ’thank goodness they have grown up since then and settled down. Anyway we’ll get him an assistant who’ll brighten the department up a bit and Death too with any luck. Nothing else is there? I must go, back log of prayers to hear before lunch.’

St Peter shook his head and then bowed as God picked up their mugs from the table and carried them across to the counter.

‘Thanks,’ said God to the serving cherub as he put the mugs down. ‘Great coffee.’ The cherub smiled in response and the two men went out through the revolving door, God standing aside to waive St Peter out ahead of him.