Popov.

Popov Ch4 Death Wish

Chapter 4 Death Wish

 ‘Ah, Demise, there you are.’ Popov put his head round the study door.

‘Death,’ sighed Death, not looking up from the huge tome he was reading. ‘What do you want Popov?’ Popov sidled into the room and approached the imposing desk.

‘Well,sepulchral one I was wondering if you had looked in the suggestion box recently?’

‘The suggestion box?’ Death looked up.

‘Yes, you remember Graciousness, you suggested we should have one so that all your assistants could put forward any ideas they had.’ Popov grinned and bent to sit in the red leather button back chair facing the desk, watching Death’s face all the time. Death wagged a finger at him and Popov shot upright at once.

‘Clients only Popov. And you are my sole assistant and as I recall this suggestion box was all your idea.’

‘Well, that could be master, I don’t like to boast, but it was your brainwave to have me put it on the table by the hall fire.’

‘No Popov, I said that you and your suggestion box could all go to blazes.’

‘Oh, well, just a slight misunderstanding Illuminati. Anyway I wondered if you had looked at any of the suggestions your assistant has put in? Only I brought it in just in case you hadn’t.’ Popov drew a box from behind his back and placed on the desk. Death looked at it and back at Popov. It was bulging with slips of paper.

            ‘Kleenups extra soft tissues with a hint of aloe vera?’

            ‘It was the only box I could get lordling, I picked it up from the bedside of one of my collections.’

‘Popov that’s stealing. Which client was it?’ Death finished with a sigh.

‘Oh, a Mr Alsop I think. Well he wasn’t going to need it any more and anyway there was nothing in it, apart from the empty pill bottle, but I threw that out of the window.’

‘You threw it out of the window.’

‘Yes boss, I didn’t need it.’

‘Popov you might not have needed it but the doctor who attended Mr William Peter Alsop would have needed it. You do remember Mr Alsop don’t you? He was not scheduled to pass when he did and I couldn’t explain how the event occurred. The Lord was quite upset about it.’

‘I do seem to recall some fuss or other about him.’

‘Popov!’ Death jumped up. ‘If you hadn’t thrown that bottle away the pills he took could have been identified and Mr Alsop would have lived according to plan. I despair! What have I told you about not disturbing the scene of the passing? Come to think of it why were you there anyway?’

‘Ah, well, see your worship if you had looked in the suggestion box you would know that. I call it effective utilization of resources. Here we are, suggestion 369,’ Popov pulled a slip from the box and waved it.

‘See, I study the lists in advance and if I’m collecting in the area of a client who is due to pass in the near future I save time by picking them both up together. Mind you it did make arrivals panic when they couldn’t find the client’s records or passes. It was a treat to see those snotty angels at the check in desk get into a flap and watch the feathers fly.’ Popov giggled.

Death sat back down with a thump and put a hand to his head.

            ‘Popov, Popov, what am I to do?’ he sighed shaking his head as he rested his forehead on the palm of his hand.

            ‘Now then, see I could have the answer to that, suggestion 982, let me see.’ Popov rummaged among the slips in the box. ‘Here we are. Four weeks annual paid leave for all members of the collections department. There, think of where you could go, Acapulco, Rio De Janero. Cha cha cha, cha cha tcha.’ Popov shook imaginary maracas. ‘You need a break Captain, you work too hard, 24 -7 36,500 days per millennium.’

            ‘I take it this would mean that I left you in charge whilst I was indulging in this period of rest you feel I need?’

            ‘Absolutely, you see there would be nothing whatever for you to worry about.’ Popov twirled around the room with an imaginary dance partner.

            ‘Nothing whatever.’ Death said in a flat voice. Then he closed his book with a thud and rose from his chair. ‘I think as neither of us is paid at all here in the ‘collections department’ we are not entitled to paid leave. However I do believe that it would pay you to leave, right now Popov.’

            ‘Oh, er, yes enrobed one, going sir.’ Popov backed away to the door. ‘Out of here.’ He closed the door behind him and leant back against it.

‘Popov.’ He heard Death’s voice through the heavy dark oak door. Popov turned the knob and peered back into the study.

‘You wanted me your Worthyness?’

‘I believe you have forgotten something Popov.’

‘Um, yes?’

‘May I make a suggestion?’

‘Oh, er yes, of course.’ Popov darted to the desk and picked up the tissue box and clutched it tight.

‘Your list for the next twenty four hours Popov, do not let me down.’ Death held out a scroll of parchment which Popov snatched from him and backed out of the study. He closed the door once more and breathed a sigh of relief. A strange noise caught his attention and he pressed his ear to the door. There was a faint voice coming from the study.

‘Cha cha, cha cha tcha, cha!’