United/ sequel to Departed ZM

5 Years Ago

* FLASHBACK *

* 5 YEARS AGO *

Its been 5 years since the school ended. Its been 5 years since I lost contact with all my friends. Its been 5 years since I last lived like a normal teenager and it has been 5 years since I last contacted Zayn.

I had cut him out of my life completely. I never went to school reunions because the fear of seeing him again haunted me. I did not have the courage to look at him anymore. But I knew he was doing great in his life. He was achieving everything he wanted and he was living life kingsize.

After school was over, I came to know that he auditioned for the X Factor , got selected and got put up in a world famous boy band called One Direction. They were absolutely everywhere. Harry too was a part of it and he always wanted me to meet the boys and hang out with them but I didn't.

I didn't because I didn't want to hurt Zayn. I did not want to intrude in his life. I did not want to give him any sort of shit. I did not want to disturb him and eventually I lost contact with Harry. Not that we were not friends anymore but he just wasn't around much.

Now i was all alone living life like a walking dead. I was living it because it was my duty to live it. I was living it because I wasn't dead and believe me I wanted to be.

Loosing the first love of my life on such a bad note was wrecking. I was vulnerable, lost, dead, emotionless, lifeless, irregular.

My day consisted of waking up in the morning, having coffee, getting dressed, driving to work, working at office, coming back late at night, eating a little to keep my systems running and going to sleep yet again to wake up to another horrible day.

Each day seemed like years to me. Last week my sister came to London to stay with me and cheer me up but that too was of no use. I did share a really special bond with my sister and being with her was absolutely the best memory always and she always managed to make me forget all my worries but this time she could not do anything. I was still hollow. Zafrina, Senna, Hayley, Ayesha, Harry- all my friends tried to help me. Make me forget my past. But I couldn't. I couldn't because it was full of happiness, chirppiness, and liveliness. It was the real me. It was who I am and who I am supposed to be.

I loved him. I loved him with all the strength inside of me. Every part of me loved him.He was the best memory I ever had.

I read a lot about him in newspapers and magazines. I have seen all his interviews and heard all his songs millions of times. I've remembered each and every word of it. I've remembered all the controversies he went through.

But now I fear it. Now that the band is over, they are gonna live lives like normal lads. Harry is going to be around more and maybe he is also going to be around more.

What if I see him again? What if I met him again? What would it be like? What would we talk about? Would we even talk or has he forgotten me already? Now that he has seen the world and has had it to him, would he still acknowledge me? Remember me? What is going to happen?

I am not ready to see him. I am never ready to see him and I am never going to be ready to see him.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I am pulled out of my thoughts as my phone starts beeping. I sigh and turn it off. Filling myself a glass of water I relish whatever I have been through and gulp it down.

The memory of those 5 years haunts me.

As I put down my glass in sink, my eyes fall on the scars on my wrist. How stupid I was to do that to myself. Back then, if I had known that I was going to have him back to myself soulfully, I would have never done to myself. I would have just waited for him to back to me.