Purpose

Prologue

"You have to come meet my parents tomorrow Justin!" She said. Her beautiful eyes full of tears. Caused by me. Caused by my actions, my choices.

"I would love to but..." I didn't know what to say.

"But?" She sadly smiled, faking a smile. "But what?" She looked nervous, scared and I didn't know what to say to make her know my feelings toward her. She was the best I've ever seen but she deserves better and I knew it.

"What do you want me to tell them, Grace? Will they want you to be my fiancé when they know who I really am? Will they want you to stay with me and keep talking to me when they know that I'm twenty years old and I'm still looking for a job and I didn't even go to school? Or will they be okay and love me when they know that I have a small apartment in a disgusting place, sharing it with my best friend and my little brother because our parents died and left us with no money? And if they did, do you think I will agree seeing the boys in my street looking at your ass while you're coming back home? Or will I pass it seeing them telling you how beautiful you are." I sniffed knowing that I am not for her. Saying them thoughts out loud made me realized that she is much more precious then I'm making her feel and she deserve a prince to treat her like the princess she is.

"And that means?" She sobbed searching for my hands to hold, telling me she wants me, she accepts me but I only pushed her away by taking my hands off of hers. "You deserve better than me baby."

"I know I do. But I want you. I love you, Justin. I don't care about anything you're saying or the life you're living. I just want to be by your side." Her hands found my cheeks and caressed them. Our red eyes interlocked together, making me loose all the words I had in mind to say. I almost changed my mind about letting her go.

"Then wait for me." I leaned closed to her lips and placed mine on them without kissing, mixing our tears together but she pulled away making my eyes to open.

She shook her head with a sob. "It's been two years Justin. I can't hide it anymore. My parents are asking questions and I can't just keep lying to them." She explained with tears rolling down her cheeks and each one falling on the ground stab me with a sharp knife in my heart. "And there is this man that proposed to me lately and I tried to refuse but I can't escape from him. He didn't care about me refusing him and came visiting yesterday. My parents said he is a good man. He is rich, he is a cop, he loves me and nothing is giving me a reason to refuse him. Plus my parents agreed and I can't refuse him anymore without reasons." She was barely having a breathe to talk. Sobs were making it hard for her but I clearly understood every word she said and each word caused a brand new tear to fall from my own eyes.

"What do you want me to do?" I felt helpless, so low in her eyes. I knew she deserves the guy she was talking about but I was so selfish to let her go for someone better. I was so selfish to see her happy with someone else than me.

"If you don't come to meet my parents tomorrow then I will tell my parents that I agree to try it out with the guy." She looked straight at me with her nose in the air making me feel so low. I felt intimidated by her for the first time since the day we met. I felt like she's better than me. It was true though and that was why I nodded with a small sad smile on the corner of my lips with my eyes falling down to my shoes. I nodded and sniffed then said "good luck" and walked away.

And this was the last time seeing her. I didn't know if it's a good thing that I knew she is going to have a great future or a bad thing that I know that I lost the love of my life but I knew that she made me lose my purpose in life and I didn't know if I will ever find it again.

My way back home was the worse time I had with myself. It was like inside me I had two sides fighting. One with me and one against me and to be honest, I didn't know which one is the one I should believe. Before I decide, I was in front of the front door of my apartment.

I wiped my tears and pushed the door open. I hated everything. I hated this house. I hated having her leaving me because I am who I am. I hated her. No, I hated how much I love her. I hated how much it hurts.

"Oh, Justin is back. I will call you again." Marcus said through the phone then took it off of his ear, watching me pass by him and walk to my room.

I dropped my body in bed, not wanting to see or talk to anybody on earth. I lost everything and I didn't know how to get it back. She was the only thing I have. I have no money, I have no place to live by my own, I have no work, I have no family, no friends. The only friend I have is Marcus, the one I met on the street asking for a cigarette when I was broke and out of money to rent an apartment then we both opened our palms for people driving to have the payment to rent one then one day I went to ask for a job in a restaurant and that was the day I met her.

I sobbed hating it. Why didn't I just leave? Why did I have to meet her, talk to her, ask her out and love her? Why should I have to meet the right person at the wrong moment? I hate it.

"Justin!" Marcus' voice screamed breaking my thoughts and I was somehow grateful. I looked at him and let my tears tell him everything. "What the fuck is wrong with you man? I've been standing here for about five minutes!" He said then sat on the edge of the bed.

"She left me." I finally spoke. And I regretted it right after. My voice was so unfamiliar to me. It sounded broken, weak. I hated it.

"I told you she will!" He pointed out making me warn him with one look of my eyes, telling him I've had enough. He shook his head, letting out a sigh then turned to look at me again. "Look, Justin, she was never for you. She is rich, man. You should be grateful she even fell in love with you."

I sobbed and screamed "yes, but I'm sick. I'm sick of having to think twice about doing something. I'm  sick of losing everything because I don't have money. I'm loosing everything because I don't have anything! I'm sick of looking at something someone is holding, desiring it but can't have it because I just don't have the money to buy it. I'm sick of not having what I want."

"But this is life. And you have to accept it that way!" He frowned.

"No it isn't. Do you see them rich people walking around? Why aren't they us? Why aren't we them?"

"We can't be them and they will never be us." He looked away, hating the mind I was having, knowing I will ask questions that aren't answerable.

"Why not?" I pushed the lamp next to the bed, causing it to break into million pieces on the floor but it didn't help my anger to get out.

"Because they have money Justin! They have the money that we don't have and will never do." He screamed.

"Why don't we have their money?" I started to make no sense. My tears were causing my vision to be blurry and I didn't know if I will have the force to do anything else that will cause my anger to die down.

"Because we are born to be us. We can't have something that isn't ours. We aren't meant to be them! And we just can't be thieves."

I blinked at what he said and had a moment to myself thinking.

"Thieves." I whispered to myself but when he looked at me with wide eyes, I knew he heard me and by his look I knew he disagrees. "Think about it. Why not? What's the worst that could happen?"

And that was the beginning of hell of a life but it was also the beginning of knowing what pleasure is. Not only by having what I want but by having who I want on my bed whenever I want.

But I never forgot her. No matter how hard I tried. She was always in the back of my mind.