random yaoi

Accidentally In..marriage?

Title: Accidentally In... Marriage?
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dean/Cas
Spoilers/Warnings: Takes place after my imaginary end to season five; Sam never went to hell and Cas stuck around. Pretend season six never happened/Bottom!Cas
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 3160
Disclaimer: So beyond the valley of unmine.
Summary: Dean can't get it up and Cas has some pretty surprising news.
Beta/Notes: beta'd by the extraordinarily lovelyogicallyerin. Reposting here from this promptonlindfold_spn.
Crossposted to AO3

Accidentally In... Marriage?

"Sammy, I need your help."

"Dean, it's three in the morning."

"This is important."

"So's my sleep."

"Dammit, Sam. I'm being serious right now."

"Call me in the morning, Dean."

Click.

Dammit.

Dean stares at the phone in his hand. So maybe he's overreacting a little, but Sam has no right to be such a little bitch. This is serious; something is wrong with him and he needs his brother to help him figure it out. He glares down at his crotch in frustration.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He'd been so close this time. The girl from the bar was smokin', big brown eyes and long blonde hair, fit but not too skinny. She was even funny, but no. As soon as he went to touch her, he'd been overcome by a strong desire to throw up. And it just got worse; he couldn't stay hard, couldn't stop gagging, and eventually Brown Eyes bounced out, looking torn between amused and insulted.

This is the fifth time this has happened in two weeks.

Dean is frustrated, horny, and tired of almost throwing up on attractive women. He needs Sam to figure out what the fuck kind of curse this is before his balls fall off. He rolls over and punches his pillow before falling into a fitful, restless sleep.

He's startled awake far too early and it takes him a few seconds to figure out what wakes him up. His eyes wildly sweep the room, hand instantly closing around the hilt of the knife he keeps under his pillow before a deep voice sweeps over him.

"Good morning, Dean."

"Cas?"

"Yes."

"What are you-What's happening?"

"I-ah...I came to explain something... I need to tell you..."

"What, Cas?"

"I know no other way to say this..."

"Spit it out!"

"We've been bonded in the eyes of the Host."

"...Come again?"

"I believe humans call it married." Cas pauses as though he's testing the word out in his head. "Yes, we're married."

"Married? As in to have and to hold, husband and wife, as long as we both shall live married?"

"Well, I am an angel and therefore genderless so the terms 'husband' and 'wife' are inaccurate. Also, this bonding has a high likelihood of lasting much longer than your human lifetime, but yes. In the basest of terms, we are mated, bonded, married."

Dean gapes at Cas. Married? He can't be...

"I am not awake enough for this."

He hears the sound of Cas' wings and a second later Cas returns with a cup of coffee from the shop down the street. Dean takes it and hardly notices when Cas settles in beside him. Married. He's married to Cas. How does...