your bones - healy

17. Regretful nostalgia

A week has passed

Nothing really worth talking about in the space of time, except from the whole thing with Matty were he confessed his feelings for me. Oh hell! I sound like a 4th grader who found out her crush likes her back. Oh god, I like him. No no no, not going to happen. I won't have it. Who in the world falls for their kidnapper? I put down the pen  that was attempting to write something, but with all these thoughts interrupting, it's not likely. Screw him, now he's all I can think about. "Bloody hell!" I whisper to myself as I stand to get a snack out of the mini fridge, in the other room of the mess that we was staying in. I pass by Amelia who lays sprawled across the bed reading magazines with cheap wine, which in fact did not taste cheap. She doesn't bother glancing at me, which doesn't bother me, right now all I needed was food. Once I had came upon my destination to find a bag of crisps, I think about Matt. Again. This time it's not about his hair or that smirk he was on his face or- oh my god Im doing it again. But really, where's Matt? He couldn't have gone out to get breakfast, we just ate. The clock on the wall reads 1:37pm. Maybe lunch? I sit on the couch closest to me, eating my bag of crisps. Which taste quite bland. And staring at the one and only Amelia, who still hasn't acknowledged my presence. This is getting boring quicker than I thought.

"Where's Matt?" my voice echos the room.

"Out."

"Out? Out where?"

"Somewhere."

"Ok, a little more specific please."

"Something about meeting an uncle of his."

"When did he leave?"

"After breakfast. Why do you keep asking me all these questions? Does someone have a little liking for this Matthew Healy?"

"No..."

"Oh really? That doesn't sound so convincing."

"Shut up and just read your magazine."

"Aww! How cute, you do like Matty! Well it's sort of cute considering I was technically his ex lover bu-"

"I don't like Matty. I don't now, I won't ever. That's that." I pause. "Who woul-"

My words are cut off by the front door closing harshly, giving me the impression that Matt is back and definetly not happy. Amelia and I stare at each other then look back at the room where Matt stormed off to. Great, now he's pissed off because whatever happened between him and his uncle. I decide to not get into it, and just let him cool off.

☆

"Come on guys, we haven't got all day!"

Matt seemed totally agitated and angry, with Amelia and me - mostly me - for no apparent reason. I had done nothing, neither did Amelia! Earlier when he had left the room, I asked how it went with his uncle, but he just shoved past me and ignored my question. What the hell? He was fine the whole week, especially with him teasing me about the kiss. He seemed grand and now he's being a twat, now the only question might be is: why exactly don't we have all day? Well apparently we are leaving the creepy motel and to somewhere, somewhere hopefully better than this place. Matt didn't give much detail.
As soon as we got a taxi, Amelia had beat me to the front seat, giving me an evil smirk as she climbed in. I swear to god one day I am going to kill her. Matty and I made awkward eye contact; it broke as quick as it was made. "Well," he sighs. "Lady's first ain't it?" my smile was tight, not wanting to show any emotions from the lack of heart he has right now. Wow I do sound like a brat, I know the world doesn't revolve around me but he's being a jerk. But I do really need to stop over exaggerating, then again I'm with people I'm not supposed to be with and in a situation I'm not supposed to be stuck in. But hey, this world is a messed up place, we should cut it down slack.

"Where are we going?" my voice surprises myself. All Matt does is stare at me blankly, giving me a skeptic look because I'm talking to him at a time like this. That's all he had to do, was give me a look to regret speaking at all. "Nevermind..." I whisper to myself, but loud enough for him to hear.

"We're staying at my uncle's." he stomps, then starts again. "Ariana?" I stare at him directly.

"Yes?" he stares back at me.

"Please stop acting like you're the victim, right now." then he has the audicity to give a smirk. My brain stops functioning for a short time, and all you could hear was Amelia's 'oohhh'. My insides were shaking with anger because I thought he was over his pissy mood, but apparently not. Well Matthew, two can play at this game...

☆

Although, I'm angry and purposely Ignoring Matty, I have to give his uncle this one. His house was amazing, all brick and humongous. Meaning we all have a room to ourselves, finally. I knew that his uncle had just left this morning to go and live in his OTHER house in Australia, right now to visit his girlfriend. So he should he over there quite a while, the only way I had gathered this information was becaude of the phone call Matt had got from him. Other than that, the taxi ride was just pretty much Matty and me having a sighing game. By the way did I mention this house was great! Amelia had her bags, but dropped them as soon as she stepped in because she had claimed that it was boring. Mine was for the opposite reason, obviously. "You guys can pick your rooms." Matt mutters. I tried acting calm about it, but once I was out of Matty's sight I went crazy.

All the rooms were great but one stood out, I didn't want to pick the biggest and greater one because I figured it'd be selfish of me and sort of rude. Also Matty was probably staying in that one, anyways the room I had picked was made for me. I set my bags in the corner of the room, dropping the magazine I was reading (that belonged to Amelia) so that I could stare out of the window. To see a bright sun. Typically, us English don't enjoy the cloudy days, but I personally loved them. They gave your environment a quiet and peaceful comfort, I loved it because I didn't grow up in a peaceful or quiet environment that had comfort. Rainy days was when I was a child meant locking myself away up in my room so that I can grab books to stand on, so my Sharon wouldn't scold me. Never have I been tall so that was the only way I could see the rain drops sprinkle onto my window. It hits me that for once I have some what a nostalgic feeling about my childhood which sends me shivers.

The bathroom becomes appealing to me, so I continue to tour my room, I reach the mirror above the sink and stare. My skin has gotten paler, I have unknown bruises, my bags dark and nappy hair. I looked dead. I lift my shirt, slightly moving away from the mirror and turned to get a view of my stomach. My ribs were poking out, it hits me that I don't eat as often as I thought I did. Snacking, sure, but I didn't even finish that bag of crisps. I literally had two crips and that was it. I'm not starving myself am I? My period. I haven't had my period. Oh my god, I can't have an eating disorder. I will make sure to eat tomorrow, and lots, I mentally note. My hands let go of my shirt to turn on the faucet and splash my face with the refreshing cool water that was spilling from it. I'm not anorexic. I'm not anorexic. I repeat. I turn and walk towards the bedroom door and closes it, once I turn I see Matt's figure appear from the closet. With his clothes hanging from the hangers. What the heck?

"Umm what are you doing?"

"I'm putting my clothes in the closet."

"But I chose this room."

"I was here way before you!"

"No I was. Can't you pick another? Aren't there bigger and better rooms? Why this one?"

"Because I like its simplicity."

"Well I like its simplicity too and you said we can pick our rooms. I chose this one, it reminds me of my childhood."

Matty studies my face and I remember he knows nothing of my past, I start again.

"Matty, never mind, keep this room. I'll find another."

"No, no it's fine. I'll just go into the one next door."

"You can't have it both ways Matty! I'm going to find another! I didn't like this room anyways it's cool reall-"

"If it reminds you of your childhood then keep it, Ariana."

"That's the thing, I don't want it to remind me of my childhood."