Who Am I?

chapter 4

as we drove down the road I stared out the window in silence hoping my mom would not try and talk to me because then I would start sobbing. I knew I could at least pretend to be okay in the silence. I wasn't actually looking out the window... I was inside my head processing everything that has happened. basically I realized that it is not okay to be different, its not okay to be yourself, if you do not follow the paths of everyone else then you will be harassed just for being yourself. I knew that wanting to be myself meant no friends but I did it anyways.....how idiotic.

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when we got home and my mom pulled into the driveway she turned off the car but did not get out. she looked over at me and I knew she was going to apologize even though she has done nothing wrong. I kept my mouth shut and just let her talk. she looked into my eyes "sam... I'm so sorry about what happened at school. I should have known this would happen. its my fault you got hurt and I am going to fix it. I'm going to find you a new school to go to and you will make all new friends and never have to deal with this again. and whoever did this to you....."

"mom..... I'm fine. it doesn't matter. just leave it alone. its not your fault its mine for being this way. don't get mad at the kid that beat me up..... he was just doing whatever he could to be as normal as possible. its my fault for being weird..."

my mom frowned and opened the door to get out. "its not your fault sam. it is never your fault." she sighed and got out of the car walking into the house.

I got out of the car and did the same. when I got inside she was in the kitchen on her cell phone whispering angrily. I stopped and stared at her. when she saw me she quickly hung up the phone and smiled at me. "don't worry about that honey. it was just someone trying to sell me something."

it was obviously a lie but I just nodded not wanting anymore to go wrong today. I wouldn't be able to take that. I walked up to my room and stood in front of the mirror. I stared at myself for awhile then frowned and ripped the flower out of my hair.

my hair was a mess and I was covered in bandages. I never got my shirt back from chris. I wiped my eyes then walked over and sat on my bed. I brought my knees to my chest then put my head down and let out all the tears I had been holding in. I probably sat there sobbing for hours but I didn't care. I had to do something to make this pain go away. something to make my heart stop acheing...