Who Am I?

chapter 8

I walked up to the house and unlocked the door. Chris stood behind me holding the bag with advil and a cold pack in it. I opened the door and walked in. I saw my mom sitting up on the couch. "Hey mom, i got you some..."

I looked at her hand that was lying still next to her. I walked around the couch and dropped the keys. My mom was lying there motionless with an empty bottle of pills in her hands. "Mom?" I said quietly hoping she would wake up.... but she didnt. I ran over to the phone and dialed 911. "Hello! I need help! My mom took too many pills and now shes not moving!" I spoke quickly and shakily. Chris was standing a couple feet away staring at my mom with wide eyes.

"Calm down. We are on our way. Im sure your mother will be okay. Just stay there."

I hung up the phone and looked at my mom. They told me just to sit here. Theres nothing i can do. I just have to wait, And hope. Chris looked at me "what do we do."

I sat in a chair and stared blankly at the ground. "Nothing. Theres nothing we can do but wait for the police."

Chris looked back at my mom. The walked over and picked up a sheet of paper off the coffee table. "Sam..."

I looked up and she handed me a sheet of paper with my name on it. I unfolded it and read it.

"Dear sam,
I know your going to miss me and be sad but i know your a tuff kid and you can make it. Unfortunately for me i am weak and can no longer be strong enough to live in this world. I know im a coward but this was the easiest way out. All this pain physical and mental was just too much for me. Im truly sorry but this is just not my place. I dont want you to quit on me though, i want you to live on, be strong, you will achieve great things.
,Love mom."

My hands started to shake and tears fell on the paper. I whispered to myself "mom you fool. Im not strong. Im weak. I needed you."

Chris came up to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I looked at her. "It will be okay." She said.

People always tell you it will be okay when its not going to be okay. They know that too but no one knows what else to say. Just that it will be okay. Even if it wont be.

I heard sirens outside. I walked out and showed the people where my mom was. They carried her out to the ambulance, her hand hung off the edge of the stretcher lifelessly. They shut the doors blocking my veiw.

A man walked up to me and chris. He pointed to his police car. "Ill give you two a ride to the hospital."

We followed him to the car and got in. The drive was silent. I just stared out the window at the trees. No thoughts went through my mind. It was just blank. I was too sad to be sad.

I watched as we pulled up to the hospital. Me and chris walked in. We sat in the waiting room for hours and hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up, the bright lights burned my eyes. I was still in the hospital waiting room. I felt a warm feeling in One side of my body. I loooked over, and saw chris asleep with her arm around me and my head was on her shoulder. The warmth of her body made me forget about everything bad in my life. Just knowing she was there put some hope in my heart.

I closed my eyes again but then i felt chris move. I opened my eyes and sat up. She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Whats wrong?"

She shook her head. "Just a nightmare." She wiped her eyes and smiled at me "ur really soft."

I blushed. "So are you." I said quietly.

Chris stretched her arms into the air. "These seats definitely aren't soft though."

Before i responded someone walked up to us. "Are you sam?"

The man was in a white coat, obviously a doctor. "Yeah."

He nodded and looked down at me. "Your mother....she didnt make it."

My heart sank and i just sat there not moving. I didnt believe it. My mom, the one who would tell me ridiculous stories when i couldnt fall asleep, the one that would pat my head and call me shorty, the one that made me breakfast every single morning even if she was sick, the one that stayed with me after everyone else had left, she was..... gone. She was never coming back.

I looked at the doctor. "Was she in pain?"

He shook his head. "No. It was just like falling asleep."

I looked down. "Okay."

"Theres an officer waiting outside for you. He will take you home. I notified your father about this and he said he wouldnt be able to make it home. If you would like to stay here instead i can arrange that."

I shook my head. "No. I want to go home." I stood up and me and chris walked out.

~~~~~~~~~

That night me and chris sat in my bed. She hugged me as i sobbed into her shoulder. All night long she kept her arms wrapped around me tightly. Every so often i would , feel one of her tears fall on my head. I didnt care if i looked like A baby. I kept on sobbing. When people talk about a shoulder to cry on i never realized it actually existed. Ive always had to cry alone. Ive always had to hold my breath so i wouldnt wake up my mom with my sobs. But since shes gone.... i guess i dont have to worry about that.

With chris's arms around me i felt safe....and warm.