Anywhere but here

chapter 12

AVAS POV

I sat with my back against the wall, gazing into the fire.

I wonder what heaven was like.

It sounded, peaceful and beautiful. Nothing like my life here on earth.

I continued to question why he didn’t shoot me. Part of me wanted him to. I’d never have the courage to do it myself.

I’ve thought about it; suicide.

It’s not something I’d cry over, or get dressed up for. It wasn’t anything special or a big deal for me.

I just don’t know why I’ve been so lucky. People said at the hospital that I had a mild case of hyperthermia when I was in the road, a car could have- should have run over me. The many cases, where I’ve been locked in closets or cold rooms for long periods of time, without food or water. I should have died.

Why?

Why can’t I just die?

Why can’t ‘my time’ be up now?

I just want to die.

I suppose I am lucky that I found the house here, in the woods, this is where I wanted to be; isolated from the world, hidden.

I watched them all rehearsing, playing happily with their guitars, or snug in a corner writing lyrics. Just together, and happy. Deep down I wished this was me.

Ten minutes later, Perrie came up to me, and we talked, we talked about her mostly, I guess she was trying to comfort me. She brought up her love for Zayn; one of the boys in their band. I looked over at him sprawled on the sofa; his muscly arms extended drawing on a pad of paper. He was actually quite good looking. Black tangled hair stood on top of his head, and his light stubble poking out from under and above his mouth.

“He’ll never notice me” she told me.

To be honest, the more I got to know her, the more I liked her. She was so beautiful, and her personality was so fearless, she didn’t have a care in the world it seemed to me.

“Perrie, you’re beautiful. But, I think he already has.” I pointed out, taking a glance at Zayn who was eyeing Perrie. She swung my head around, but his eyes went back to his paper. I smiled, I wished harry would look at me like that. Deep down I knew, skinny love, Perrie and Zayn, they loved eachother but they just didn’t want to admit it.

I thought about Harry. About what happened at that dinner night, which I was nearly shot 2 nights ago. Did he think about me, why I wasn’t there?

“who is it?” Perrie asked.

“I’ve seen that look, c’mon, I’ve just poured my love out for Zayn to you, and you gotta at least tell me a bit about you”

I looked down at my hands, and my jumper that Jesy had lent me, I wrapped that around my hands. This wasn’t going to be easy, if I were to tell someone, I’d tell them. They were hidden from the outside world.

That’s where I wanted to be.

LEIGH ANNES POV

I started to hum along to the song, I just started writing, I know it sounded weird but I was basing it on Ava. She was so beautiful, just pure white skin, like snow. And grey, almost dead eyes, they were just sad; you could see the pain in them, the pain I believed she’s been through.

There had to be a story behind it, like we know something about an evil stepmother and an attempted killing that was believed to be ordered by her stepmother. But there were so many blank spaces in the jigsaw that didn’t make sense.