Privacy [completed]

THIRTY-THREE| death is love?

One Direction finished their tour yesterday, October thirty-first, and now they're on break. And now, it was time for me to go home before Mom kills me and Chloe. She's not mad at me, she's worried. But she is furious at Chloe. I didn't know why she treats us so different at the time. Now, as I stand her in the freezing cold, I finally understand.

"Do you have to go?" Lou asked as she held onto me preventing me from getting on the plane.

Paparazzi are everywhere, but I'm trying to ignore it. It's harder than it looks to ignore people who are taking pictures of you. I frowned at Lou and pulled away. She frowned and nodded.

The entire time, I felt uncomfortable. I didn't want to be in Manchester anymore than I wanted to be around Harry. He kept touching me and kissing me. He even tried to take it further, but I couldn't. I can't be with him in any type of way he wanted to be.

A day ago, I heard him and Violet. They were either having sex or Violet was in intimate labor. The next day I saw her, she was still pregnant. It didn't hurt my feelings, I guess I had it coming. It happened the same day I refused him, so I guess it was bound. I'm not interested in him in any sort of way, so about him and Violet - I hoped they had a good time.

I got onto the private plane that was right in front of me. Harry got on right after and Chloe right after. Harry sat beside me with his hand in my thigh. I kept pushing him away, but he gripped it and made me tense, unable to push him away. Why does he enjoy skinship so much? I still don't know.

Chloe was on her phone quietly until she gasped and called my name. I looked at her and she seemed confused.

"Megan's in the hospital," she said looking at her phone.

I sat up and so did Harry. "What?"

At that moment, I felt that Megan was my friend. She isn't, for sure, I know she hates my guts. But at that moment, I felt that we were friends and we were to be there for one another. Hearing Chloe's words sent me into a panic.

"Attempted suicide," Chloe had said while reading her phone.

I felt that same nasty feeling in my chest as my friends who left this cruel, ugly world without me. I felt the same feeling in the pit of my stomach. My head felt dizzy and my throat was parched. Why does this always happen to me? Why am I always the cause of someone's suffering? Someone's dying?

"Babe," Harry whispered in my ear. "Are you okay?"

I didn't realize I had tears rolling down my cheeks until he said something. I wiped them off quickly. He put his arm around me but I yanked away from him.

If he keeps getting closer and closer to me, I'm going to kill him too! That's what always happens! I kill everyone around me! No one can love me! And I can't get myself to Love anyone! Is that was Love is? Death?

"It's going to be fine, baby. She's alive," cooed Harry. "Breathe baby, it's okay."

I cried silently as he said the word alive. She's alive, but she was almost dead! She can't do this to herself. I won't lose another friend even if she doesn't think I was a friend. I just won't. I'll save her. I'll be the savior this time.

That plan, to save Megan, that plan killed me.

...

Getting off the plane was terrible. Here in South Carolina there usually isn't that many people, but it's so many people at the airport wanting pictures with Harry. Some knew Chloe mainly because of her fan account and vlogging channel. Unfortunately, they all know who I was, and obviously they knew Harry.