Privacy [completed]

THIRTY-NINE| relation is love?

That was the last time Chloe's ever talked to me, and that was in November. She moved out, too. She moved in with Harry Styles in England. She didn't say goodbye, she didn't write, she didn't do anything. Harry told me. He told me Chloe was with him and he told me that we were over.

For some reason, it hurt my heart.

When Scott left, that was the last time Mom gave me a sympathetic look or spoke to me carefully. Now, everything is full of hatred. I felt the breeze on my naked body burn as the snow came in contact with my skin. I felt the tears burning as they left my eyes. She hates me, she's hated me ever since that day. Mom no longer stayed in Colorado to work. She became a travel surgeon. I haven't seen nor heard from her in over a month now.

She doesn't want anything to do with me. She didn't want Scott in my life, but I messed up and ruined that. She hates me for it and she hates me for Chloe hating both of us. She doesn't want to talk with me anymore. I don't blame her. Who would want to talk with me anyways? Anyone who comes in contact with me dies or their lives are ruined.

It makes me feel like I broke this family by being born. It's all my fault, it's my fault they don't spend the holidays at home. It's my fault that I broke up the family. I kill everything that comes in contact with me. Everything is always my fault.

Scott went to Brazil to avoid any legal action being taken while he was in America. He never spoke to me again after that day. He hates me. He wished he never would have found me because he wouldn't have legal action taken against him from Megan's family and Nita's family. He said it was better when he watched from afar and never came in contact with me. It's always like that.

I went to the asylum Megan was placed in to visit a few weeks ago for the first time. She's back in Colorado and no longer attends college. She's no longer stable. But, I can't visit her. She refused to let me through. I was on the list of those who were not invited nor welcomed to see her. She hates me too. It's all because of me that I ruined her life.

I am all alone.

I went back college to pack my things and I dropped out. I could no longer attend. I couldn't possibly play a sport while I felt so exhausted. And the only reason I was at college was because of my scholarships. I knew better than to ask my mother to pay for me when I wouldn't put in my all, so I dropped out. She wouldn't pay for me anyways.

I didn't see Siena when I packed my things. My other roommates who I never even spoke to said that she's dating a girl. She and her girlfriend were always gone. And since volleyball is over, they said they never saw her at all other than when she decides to not sleep over at her girlfriend's house. I simply nodded at their words. I haven't made friends with them because it's nerve wracking. What if they want to kill themselves when they meet me just like everyone else?

I couldn't take that pain anymore.

I thought back to Harry. I made him feel so worthless and alone. I should've never agreed to date him. Now, he's on break from One Direction, which I'm sure they're actually broken up now. he's traveling across Asia with Chloe. They haven't came out and said they're dating, but I wouldn't be too sure, I deleted Twitter.

Everything is because of me. I ruined everything.

Now I ask: what is Love?