My Knight in Shining Armor

He'll Be Mine!

Tyler crosses his hands in front of him, sitting back in his throne set up for him. He looks annoyed and rolls his eyes. "Where's my golden hockey puck? You, filthy mongrel tough guy, you said you were going to get me the priceless golden hockey puck from Valencia!!"

Brad turns to him. "Sir, Prince Tyler, we are working on it--"

"Work harder! I want that puck!" Tyler whines.

"Of course. Taylor?"

Taylor turns to Tyler and reaches her hand out. "Look, Ty, you'll get your puck soon enough, but you have to be patient. Okay?"

"Normally, when you promise me that I can get what I want and when I want, I expect that to follow through right away! Maybe I'll just leave you and go back to Jonathan! He would never stand for this type of failure!"

"What did you say?"

"Jonathan would never stand for this kind of failure! Jonathan would get me what I want!!" Tyler snaps back, whirling around to the Queen.

Brad shoves him back into the throne and holds him down in place.

"You'd best hold your tongue, Tyler, I'm the Queen and I'd never let anyone else have you, so either you pipe down and be patient, or I have you sent to the dungeons! Your choice, sweetheart." She sits back down and fans herself.

Tyler fights Brad off of him, fixes his crown on his head and re-folds his arms over his chest. "Alright, fine."

"Thank you Tylie, you're just the sweetest and cutest man in the whole Kingdom!!" Taylor remarks.

"Whatever, I'm going to my room...actually, I want to go out into the field and play a little hockey...get out my frustrations, you know!" Tyler says as he gets to his feet and storms down the steps, heading for the right side of the room, where a hallway is.

"Stay with him, please," Taylor orders two guards, who nod. "If he so much as gets past the gate, I'll have your heads chopped off and served for dinner!"

"Yes, Queen Taylor," they respond in unison and follow after the emotional prince.

The curly brunette woman turns to look at her lead henchman. "Oh, Bradley, I try so hard to please him. I invade a kingdom for a jewel, I respect his vow of chastity, yet every day, I hear it over and over again..."

"Jonathan, Jonathan,

Blah, blah, blah, blah, Jonathan

I want him, need him, crave him, yes, it's true

But he is not the only thing I desperately want to do..."

"I want to shoot him with a crossbow

I want to stab him in the eye

I want to liberate his head from his neck

And then, punt the bloody wreck sky high,"

"I want to hurl him out a window

And shove explosives where the sun don't shine

Want to skewer him with swords, then slowly twist them

All around his reproductive system

Won't that be divine, then he'll be mine!"

"Everybody, sing!!" Brad snaps.

"And then, you'll do it every evening!" the guards sing.

"Sweet God, at last!" Taylor continues to sing

"In every room on every floor!" the guards sing.

"'Till I can't do it anymore." Taylor sings.

"And with no Jonathan distracting your groom," Brad sings.

"We could start a genocidal war!" Taylor sings.

"They could start a geno--Wait, what!?" the entire court officials sing.

Taylor sighs dramatically and sings,

"I could get back to all my hobbies

Like raising taxes and tormenting the poor."

"Bless those poor!"

"No more, 'Jonathan is just complete perfection,

Jon would never lose his...temper!'

Won't that be divine?

And he'll be mine

Just mine, all mine

Mine, all mine, all mine."

"Oh, that was riveting!" Taylor exclaims, twirling a strand of hair in her finger and giggling like a little girl, as she looks at her lead servant and best friend, Brad.

Brad nods his head, while still maintaining a tough look about him. "Nice song, my lady."

"Why, thank you Bradley."

Suddenly there is a clamor and loud noise, as a shakingly pitiful timid brunette man enters the room pushing a noisy dinner cart. He stops at the stairs and feebly looks up, half gesturing to the silver cart.

"Geno?"

"My lady and Bradley, mid-afternoon snack?" the man questions.

"No, no, that's okay. Geno, come here," Taylor orders.

Evgeni Malkin, the chef, slowly comes up the steps and comes over to Taylor, who sits up and beckons him over with a finger. The timid man halts before her, trying to be brave. The Queen slumps forward in exhaustion.

"I'm not a bad person for kidnapping someone I love, right?"

"Oh no, no, not at all, ma'am. You have the right to do whatever you want, including kidnapping."

"You look familiar, um, was your brother or father a chef of mine."

"Oh yes ma'am, you had him killed for giving you dry mutton."

"Oh right, right, sorry about that."

"It's okay, you had a point."

"Man, I am such a meanie...a bitch!" Taylor sighs. "No wonder Tyler hates me..."