"It was a mistake, that night. You have to know that okay?" Chan spoke into the phone in a whisper. The line was quiet and for a second he though Baekhyun had hung up, But he just breathed out shakily. "I know, i'm sorry I just worry about you. How's Kyungsoo?" "It dosent concern you baek." Anger slipped out of me I hate this, this guilt fucks me over every single day and I think kyungsoo knows all of it and he's waiting for me to come around and tell him so that he can finally leave but I don't want him to leave I don't know what I would do.
"I'm sorry baek." I felt my insides turn a bit and suddenly I was sobbing as baekhyun 'shhhhed' into the phone and told me that things would be okay all the things I needed to hear but not from him.
"What happened that night?" I asked knowing neither of us knew the right answer. "I don't know, but I'll stay away for a while Chan, just please don't hate me."
Flash back
"Shhhhh Channie you'll wake up the guys!" Every one was sound asleep in various parts of the big dorm. It belonged to lay, Chen and kyungsoo. But it was so big that it's where every one gathered when all of the members were in one place. It had been a while and sehun, luhan and their new friend Tao surprised every one by coming home for the weekend, all 12 tired boys splayed accross the living room, tuckered out from ice skating and an intense karaoke session.
"C'Mon they are all asleep we can go now." Whispered Chan who was currently leaving small kisses on kyunsoo's neck, but it suddenly got more heated Chan was sucking at kyungsoo's collar bone now. "Theyll know if we went to your apartment it's too obvious." Chan lived with kai and xiumin across the hall, all the couple's except Luhan and sehun thought it was too risky for their relationships to live with each other so instead they lived a cross the hall. Which some how was more practical. The older boy started stoped his actions reluctantly.
"Okay, fine." Chan said grumpily and lifted his face from his boyfriends neck and climbed off of kyungsoo who gasped in response from being left hanging.
"Wha-what you can keep going channie." Kyunsoo whined breathlessly and the older boy smirked in defeat.
"I don't know kyungsoo, maybe your right. Maybe we should just go to bed." He said trying not to laugh.
"You think this is funny huh? C'Mon" kyunsoo said grabbing his boyfriends wrist and pulling them into the next apartment and into Chan's room. All the while Chan was giggling at seeing his boyfriend so needy for the first time. It was always Chan who wanted to go further but he always respected what kyungsoo thought would be best.
"Can I um go to the bath room real quick?" Chan asked a blush forming on his cheeks. "Hurry" after the other boy left kyungsoo sat in Chan's bed nervously fiddling with his fingers like Chan did when he first confessed to him that he liked him. He felt some thing buzz in his pocket and looked to see xiumin and lay both texting him.
Lay: Good luck bud, Bottom isn't as bad as they tell you we tried it last week it was kinda fun.
Xiumin: Yah! Don't listen to lay, make sure that boy got protection. It's bad like 80% of the time for the first few times but you'll get used to it.
He texted them both back.
Kyunsoo: what makes you guys think I'm a bottom?!?
He could almost hear their sarcastic laughter as they patted his shoulder and said "sure hun." He smiled thinking about it for some reason the topic of chanyeol always made him more comfortable, even the days they we're fighting the tall boy was all he wanted to think about.
"Kyungsoo?" He heard his boyfriend say from the door the nervousness and need had been replaced by love and kyungsoo dragged the boy onto the bed.
"Are you nervous, I'm sorry if I'm like sweating or something weird or like talking it's just- I love you so much what if this like changes us? Or what if like I'm bad?" Chan stuttered out his words but kyungsoo put his hands on his shoulders and tried to give him a pep talk.
"Your the only one for me, your it. When we used to joke about kissing each other I was hitting myself on the head because I just wanted to tell you. I love you and if your bad or I am we can get better because we always get better. And I really like am really turned on by your body right now so can we like-?" Chan's lips found themselves quickly on the younger boys. Everything was slow, all they had ever heard was that it was fast it started and ended in a matter of minutes. But everything after that kiss, every laugh and groan and awkward moment was cherished, it was different then how they were told.
