Love Is Where You Find It

Part 2

Their situation is becoming more desperate with each passing day. Especially since Loretta has no plans, other than to stay put while she tries to keep everyone fed. Sometimes it's tempting to just lay down and never get up again but the kids won't let her. They're hungry, they're tired and they need their mommy. They need their daddy too.

"Here!" Cissie plonks the mail down on the table. "The mailman gave me candy," she thrills, opening her small palm to reveal a piece of chocolate.

Betty snorts. "You're so stupid."

"Hey," Loretta scolds while Cissie protests, "Am not!"

"No, of course you're not," Loretta tells her.

"You don't take candy from strangers," Betty says.

"No, you don't." Loretta takes the chocolate from Cissie, who looks like she is going to burst out into tears at any moment.

Loretta goes through the mail, looking for any news from Doo.

"Read a letter to me," Ernest demands as he plants himself on her lap.

"They're not letters, baby, they're bills."

"What's a bill?" Ernest asks.

"Well, we have to pay money to live here and to have  water and to keep the lights on."

Her heart skips a beat when she comes across it, though she should have been expecting it. Notice to Quit. Her five year old didn't even grasp bills yet, judging from his expression and now they're dealing with eviction.

They came close before. Doolittle feels that, because he's the one making the money, he should get to choose what to do with it. Loretta doesn't like it but deals with it. It angers her sometimes though, when her kids need clothes and shoes and Doolittle buys a boat instead. A boat that looks almost as big as the house standing on the lawn.

"Mommy." Cissie pulls on her hand; her preferred way of attracting attention. "I'm hungry. Jack is eating my chocolate."

Loretta's head snaps up. She finds that while he is not eating it, he's just about to pop it into his mouth. "Put that down," she thunders and he actually does.

"Do you have a headache?" Betty suddenly asks. Loretta realizes that she probably looks exactly how she feels.

"No," she says quickly. "No, Mommy's just sad is all."

"Cause Daddy?" Ernest asks and if the situation wasn't so dire she would marvel at how bright her babies are.

"He was gone forever and ever and ever," Cissie chimes. "For ever and ever and ever and ever-"

"Shut up," Betty snaps.

"Let's play a game," Loretta speaks up before they get too out of control. "I wanna see who can sit on the couch and be real quiet the longest."

Jack frowns at her. "That's not a game."

"It is cause the winner is gonna get the chocolate." She gives Ernest a little push off her lap. Soon enough all of them sit lined up, allowing her to wallow in self pity for a while.

Thirty days, that's all they have because there is no way she can pay up unless Doo came home.

Her parents words flash through her mind. You're too young, they said. He's too wild, they said. Mommy said that she would regret this for the rest of her life. Now she's made her bed and has to lie in it. But love isn't something that can be helped and if there is one thing she knows for certain it's that she loves Doo.

He took his camera with him when he left, a couple of clothes and a few wads of money along with his car. But the rest of his things, most of his clothes and his boat; they're still here. Loretta wonders if he despises her so much that it even stops him from coming for them?

Doo doesn't always treat her like her daddy does her mommy, but her daddy is a very gentle man. She knows now that it's rare. What she has with Doo is much closer to what most people have. She never thought that it mattered until now.

There is no letter from Doo, but one from Indiana. It still feels strange, to look at the address and make the connection that it's from her parents. In her mind they still belong in the holler, and so does she.

Washington hasn't been unkind to her in general, but she still feels so out of place and it doesn't help when Betty comes home crying because someone made fun of the way her mother talks. All thoughts that enter her mind as of late are negative. She is no longer compatible with happiness in her mind. Loretta pushes that thought away and tears open the letter.

It's her mommy's handwriting, her daddy can't write much. Mommy writes about what the family is doing; about the kids. The youngest has just turned six and though they are sisters, Loretta hardly knows her. She hardly knows any of them anymore because she's simply not a part of their lives.

One time they almost stayed in Indiana, but Doo wanted to move on again in the end. He likes it in Washington, or at least she thought he did. Tears spill down her cheeks, blurring the sentences in front of her eyes. It always got Doo mad when she cried- always gets Doo mad when she cries, she tries to correct herself. Because of course Doo is going to get mad at her for crying again, when he comes back.

Loretta jumps when a small hand lands on her thigh. It's Jack. She never tells them but he's the one she feels most sentimental about out of all her children. She doesn't know why, only that she does.

"What'cha reading?" Jack asks.

"A letter from your grandma and grandpa Webb."

"You lost!" Betty screams over the back of the couch. "No chocolate for you."

"Or you!" Ernest exclaims. This is followed by Cissie's chiming of, "I won! I won! It's my chocolate, it's my chocolate."

"Go ahead and eat it then, Cissie," Loretta says, because she started this so she might as well finish it now rather than not stick to her word. It will only get harder if they realize that she doesn't mean what she says and it's already hard enough to handle so many young children when you don't want to beat them.

"That's your parents?" Jack questions, though Loretta is certain he already knows.

"Yes, baby. Grandma and grandpa Lynn are your daddy's parents, remember?"

"So your name was Loretta Webb?"

"It sure was."

"That doesn't sound right," Betty says and she's right. It doesn't sound right to Loretta herself anymore either. She's been Loretta Lynn so long now and that was meant to be her name for the rest of her life.

"I won't ever change my name," Betty says firmly.

"I thought you don't like the name Lynn one bit," Loretta reminds her.

"I don't, but it's mine."

"Sure is."

Cissie comes over and thrusts her chocolate stained fingers in Loretta's face. "I needa wash."

Loretta puts the letter to the side and takes Cissie to the bathroom, where she holds her up to the faucet so she can wash her hands.

"That wasn't fair," Ernest complains. "I wanted chocolate too and I didn't get none."

"Neither did Betty or Jack."

"Cause you like Cissie the most."

Loretta ignores his comment, goes back to her letter. It's the last few words that send a chill down her spine.

Your daddy wants to come down and see you and the kids. There is no stopping him, I'm afraid. Be prepared.

All she knows is that her daddy can't know for he would kill Doo with his bare hands. He isn't a violent man by any means, but when he told Doo not to hurt his little girl, he meant it. All she can do is hope against hope that Doo will be back by then.