Love Is Where You Find It

Part 24

She said yes, because there is no other option. Because he loves her, she loves him and she spends so much time imagining that they are a real couple or a real family. Loretta sees it as a chance to turn what it all into reality.

But the true reality of it all doesn't kick in until that night, when the kids are all in bed and she is alone in the quiet. She is also alone in the darkness, which she loathes. It was okay when she was living at home or with Doo. She wasn't alone then. It's so tempting to leave the lights on but Loretta knows that she can't afford it. Writing songs until she is exhausted helps too.

Loretta thinks nice things at first- how she will be sleeping next to Henry and no longer be lonely in the near future.

But then she begins to wonder. Where are they going to live? Her house isn't big enough for them and neither is his. How in the world is Henry going to adjust to being in a house where there is not one quiet moment? What if he gets sick of the kids? What if he wants his own, as anyone would expect a man to, when she can't physically and emotionally handle a new baby? What if they do end up with a miracle baby and Henry ends up treating the child much better than he does hers? What in the world are the kids going to think of her changing her name? Would they feel hurt, as if she is rejecting them because she will no longer share a last name with them?

She tosses and turns, but doesn't really sleep, not for more than a few minutes at a time. But morning comes despite it all, and she has to wake up the kids and make sure they go to school before jumping on the bus to work.

He waits for her in front of the diner, of course he does, same as every other day.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Henry says, grabbing her by the hand. "My, you sure look tired."

"I didn't sleep that well. I was... thinkin'..."

"About?"

"All kinds of things. Like where we're supposed to live."

"In Wabash."

"Well, yes. But we can't live at my house or at yours. Not with all the kids I got. It's always loud with the kids, you know?"

"Yes, I do. I spend enough time there to know."

"But it'll always be like that. That's the part you gotta understand. You won't be able to wake up and get yourself ready for work or church in peace. It ain't-"

"I know, Loretta. I don't want quiet. I don't... why do you think I spend all that time at your house every night? It's cause I love bein' with you, and with them. They're my favorite little kids in the world. You can't ever tell my sister but I like bein' with yours more than I like bein' with hers. Anyway, Loretta, I love you and I want us to be a family. I don't care where we live. We'll start looking for a home and we'll find one too. A nice one."

"Am I... I'm gonna be fired then, right? When we get married?"

Henry stares at her. "Fired? Well, you're probably not gonna be a waitress here anymore unless you really want to, which I wouldn't think you would. Cissie is gonna be in the 1st grade in the fall so once they all get home from school I'd want for you to be with them. But I sure still want you to sing at the diner, help some with management-"

"I wouldn't know how to do that," Loretta argues. "But I'll keep up singing if you want me to."

"Many a folks would miss your singing if you quit now. Let's go in and get to work, okay?"

"Okay."

Go in and get to work they do, and somehow Loretta finds herself more relaxed though ninety percent of the things that kept her up at night hadn't yet been cleared up.