It's beautiful. The sky is seeping into a pink colour. I hear giggling, see a little girl tottle towards who i suppose to be her father. I recognise his face, It's Jai! I'm walking towards him but no matter how fast i walk i can't get to him. I fall into a bed of flowers. The smell overwhelms me and a warm fuzzy feeling courses through my body.
I wake up bathed in sweat . I fumble around to find Jai's hand. I squeeze it to wake him up. His blue eyes stare into mine and i feel safe again.
"Good morning gorgeous. How are you this morning." he asks me.
"I'm happy. Waking up next to you." i smile.
I'm glad he is still here.
"Are you ready?" he asks. He sounds anxious. I try to keep myself calm.
"yeah. I'm sure we will be fine."
"it's nearly your birthday ." He says with an indulgent smile.
"I am excited. Maybe she will be here by then. I don't know."
"Oh so your set on a girl are you? What if our baby is like me? Hm? A bouncing boy." he puts his hand on my stomach admiringly.
I am set on a girl. But i am worried. I haven't been feeling too great lately. I hope the baby is okay.
I get up to go shower. The feeling of the water running down my back relaxes me. I wash and dry myself. Then go down to get breakfast with Dad and Jamie while Jai does the same.
"Morning JimJam, Morning Dad!" I say as i walk into the kitchen. The smell of bacon fills my nostrils and i have to run to the toilet. Jai runs in to check that I am okay.
"You alright babe?"
"Yeah but this morning sickness is starting to annoy me"
"Never mind. Just get toast and put clothes on , your appointment is soon."
I do as he says and when i am fully dressed we go down stairs to sit for a while waiting on mum to turn up. Half an hour passes and she still isn't here. We wait for two hours for her. I ev entually just give up and say
"Let's just go without her."
My Dad looks dissapointed but i don't care. My mum has let me down too many times for me to care. Jai helps me into the car and gets in the drivers seat. I know the journey to hospital will be a long one. So i just let myself drift off to sleep....
We arrive about an hour later. Jai helps me out again and we go to the front desk to check in. We are waiting for another half hour before Nurse Summers appears.
"You can come in now."
I walk slowly. They have taken lots of blood and brought me in for loads of tests these past few weeks and i'm hoping that she will give me good news.
"I'm so sorry but what i'm going to give you is not good news...."
I look at Jai. He looks worried.
"All your tests came back. Your diagnosis is that you have a brain tumour.."
I feel dizzy, I clutch Jai's hand like it is my lifeline.
"NO. I can't."
My hands move to my stomach.
"What about my baby?"
Nurse Summers looks sad.
" We can give you treatment, or maybe even an operation to remove the tumour. But both will probably harm or even.........kill the baby"
Tears spill down my cheeks. This can't be happening. I don't want to die. But my baby, oh my baby.
"We will give you a few nights to decide what you want to do...."
"No i don't need a few days. I don't want the treatment. I want to save my baby."
"There may be a chance that you won't get to see your baby ..... we don't know how long you have had the tumour for and......"
She says something else but i don't hear it. I may never get to see my baby. This is my last thought before i fade into darkness .....
