I wake up in my bed. Jai is next to me. I feel safe for a whole of five seconds and then i remember everything that had happened.
"No, Jai no. Not our baby. I want to see her. I don't want to die before i get to see her..."
He holds me against him while i cry. I am not crying for me as you woulkd expect though. I am crying for my family and my baby.
I calm myself down and head downstairs where everyone has gathered. I know then that i have to be strong. For my baby, my man, my family.
"Are yoiu okay safari?"
I have to smile then. Jamie has always had this nick name for me. I call him JimJam and he calls me Safari because when we were younger we would always go to the safari park and i would say it was my favourite place in the whole world so the name stuck.
"Yeah JimJam , i'm cool. What about you?"
"yeah i'm fine, dad said your sick. Are you going to die?"
"Of course. Everybody has to die one day so that god can get more angels. But i'm just so good and amazing that god might take me early" I say this with a smile on my face as he guffaws at my explanation.
I relax for the next few days. I get a letter through from Nurse Summers telling me to go for a check up on the 21st of February. Then a recieve a letter telling me to go for a scan for my baby on the same day. Luckily the appointments aren't at the same time.
I then notice that today is the 20th. I start panicking. What if it's bad news? What if my death date is before my due date? Oh god.
I sleep that night and dream of my baby. She is beautiful. So beautiful, Jai's brilliant blue eyes, my hair and laugh. I try to go to her but then i see tears run down her face. Jai is there too. He is crying. Saying something i can't quite make out.
I am confused. Bewildered about where i am. I am trying to see what Jai is saying but i can't.
I wake up to find him up and ready. I wash and get dressed. My first appointment is with Nurse Summers then with the midwife.
Our song comes on the radio while Jai is driving us to hospital. We sing along and while i am singing i realise something. I haven't once asked jai how he feels.
"Babe are yoiu okay? Like with all this?"
He stops the car takes my hand, looks me in the eye and says to me,
"Babe, i'm gonna be here with you until the day i die. You will make it through this and you will see our baby boy grow up to be the best footballer in the world."
"aha so it's a boy now? No no, we are having a girl. I dreamt it."
He laughs and we head to the hospital again.
Nurse Summers greets me with a smile.
"How are you feeling today?"
I can tell by her eyes that something is wrong. I get a bad feeling.
"What is it? Whats wrong?"
She breaths out slowly and says with a strain in her voice,
"the tumour has been there for a while. It may conceed to move to other parts of your body. You only have an estimated five to six months left to live... i'm so sorry."
I take a deep breath and look to Jai. He looks angry.
"No! Your lieng!! NO! She can't die!! No!"
I don't say anything, i might not even be alive for my bay being born.
"Jai, let's go. Thank you Nurse Summers, Put my next appointment in the mail."
My appointment with the midwife is only a short while away so we decide to take a walk. The time passes really quikly. We walk into the waiting room.
The midwife comes out and greets us with a smile that almost reaches ear to ear.
"Hello, how are we today, good?"
I lay on the table and i realise how big my bump is. She puts the gel on my belly and i hear my bab y's heartbeat.The nurse looks confused.
"How long ago did you find out you were pregnant?"
"Two minths ago."
"Your four months pregnant..."
"So when would my due date be?"
"Round about..... July"
"But that's five months from now...."
I know Jai is thinking the same as i am. My due date and estimated death date, are the same....
