Jai and I leave the hospital. He won't talk to me, he won't say a word. I am begining to think that he thinks it's my fault that the baby might not survive. No, i'm just overreacting. He doesn't blame me.
"Jai? Please talk to me? I know it will be hard but we will pull through.."
"If our baby dies i will never forgive them." He says but he looks cold, distant.
"Who? What are you talking about?"
"The hospital. I will never forgive them if our baby dies."
I am not sure what he is talking about. I know that i blame myself. I know that it is my fault that my baby might not be safe. I know deep down in my heart that it is all my fault....
I now have a mission. To make sure that my baby lives. I will do whatever it takes. I drit off again during the car journey. I have the same dream i had last night. Jai is crying and saying something and yet i still can't hear him at all. I start to panic. I want to help him. I want to stop the teras. The heartbreak. But i see a light. It's so bright and a voice is calling me. It's her,
"Is it really you?"
"Yes darling it is."
I want to go with her but smething is stopping me. Why can't i get to her. I'm so angry, using all my force to puch through the invisible barriour that is between us. I want to get to her. Why can't i reach her?!
Suddenly something pushes me back and i get that funny falling sensation. Then my eyes open and i'm back in the car with Jai. He is shaking my arm telling me to wake up. That we have to go and break the news to everyone.
"No not yet, please just tell them about the baby." I say. They won't be able to handle both parts of our news today. Right now i'm not sure that i can...
We walk into the living room and everyone is there. Dad, JimJam, Uncle Dn and Auintie Rose. Everyone but mum.
"She hates me doesn't she?" I want to cry. She is my mum. Why can't she be here for me when i need her?
"Oh no, sweetie, no she doesn't hate you but you know how old fashioned she is and i just don't think she can handle everything right now..." Auntie Rose comes over and embraces me.
"Well guys we have a bit of news..... Sarah is going to have the baby in July!!!" Jai announces proudly.
"Aw that's brilliant!!" Everyone congratualtes us and gives us thier best. Jamie comes over and kneels down infront of me to talk to my belly.....
"Hey there baby, em it's your uncle JimJam here and i just wanted to say that your gonna have the best mum in the world because i have the best sister so im sure she will be a great mum. And if she isnt then well, you will have me and Jai and together we are pretty awesome."
His little speech brings tears to my eyes. I am so happy to know that he and Jai will be here to love and protect my daughter when i am gone and i am sad that i will not be.
For the next little while we have family time. Munchies, movies and silly films. I start to begin to feel normal again when my mum comes crashing into the room.
"Right Gabe okay what is it that you wanted me to RUSH over here for?"
My dad stumbles for a while then says,
"Sarah is having her baby in July......"
"That's what you wanted me to rush over here for?!! To tell that my slut of a daughter, who is pregnant at seventeen and having this child out of wedlock, is having this bastard in July?!!!!!!!!! I don't care about her she could be dead for all i care!"
I don't get upset about this. I just don't want her upsetting JimJam, so i push her outside and scream in her face,
"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?!! YOUR WISH MIGHT ACTUALLY COME TRUE!! I HAVE A BRAIN TUMOUR AND MY ESTAMATED TIME LEFT ON THIS PLANET IS FIVE MONTHS!!! THAT MEANS MY BABY MIGHT NOT EVEN BE BORN!!! SO WHY DON'T YOU GET THE REST OF YOUR STUFF ROM DAD'S ROOM AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU UNCARING BITCHY LITTLE COW!!!!!!"
She doesn't speak. She just stands there. I turn to walk back into the house. I go upstairs to my dad's room and starts to fling all of her clothes out of the window down to her.
"There you stupid bitch you can leave now. Oh and your not invited to my funeral!!"
She picks up her stuff and leaves. I realise that everyone saw me shouting at her. I hug JimJam close to me. Everyone wraps thier arms around us and my auntie says,
"I'm so sorry, i wish she could be here to see you."
I have to be strong. For them all, soon i will be with her.... soon we will reunite....
