The sirens are blaring, people shouting, police talking, Jai talking... and the only thing I can here, over and over again is I'm sorry.
When the police showed up at the door I got a terrible feeling, I knew what they were going to tell me. It happened just like before.
He had left me, just like she had, when there was no hope left, they had both failed to have faith.
They have both left me now, I hope they are happy. What am I supposed to tell Jamie? That she left him and now dad has too?
Officer Sophie is trying to tell me something, that he was found holding something... she hands it to me and its the last thing I see before everything overwhelms me and I black out.....
* * * * *
Sarah is in hospital now, Jai is with her. Mrs Jones from next door is looking after me. I don't like her, she smells funny.
Jai said that everything will be okay, but Sarah will be gone soon. So then I will only have Jai and the baby. Dad is gone, he left yesterday and the police came and told us today that he was gone forever.
Dan was really nice, he came in and made tea and biscuits o calm Sarah down after seeing the 'state' she was in. That's means they saw her big fat belly.
Sophie, the other police, sat me on her knee and have me a hug.
Sarah went off in a daydream... I know what she was thinking about. She was thinking that they have both gone now, and that we have no one left.
I'm only ten but I know. I know why she left us and I know why daddy left us too. Because it was scary, but I'm not scared. I'm not scared because Sarah needs me. She needs me to be her big strong JimJam and tell her that its okay, I'll make sure jai changes the baby's nappies.
The house will be empty without dad, mum will be here soon. Sarah doesn't like calling her mum. She doesn't have to because she is seventeen but she does it for me.
So that we can have another shot at normal life again.
But now we don't have daddy, things will never be normal again.
* * * * * *
I wake up to find Jai's tear stained face resting on my right hand. I'm in disgusting hospital clothes and it smells like detol.
"Where's Jamie? Where's my baby?"
The nurse beside me looks at me in confusion,
"I thought this was your first child?"
"Oh it is, I mean my brother... my little baby brother Jamie"
She looks up from her notebook as mum walks in. She sees the strain on my face and walks out saying that she will 'leave the two of us to it'.
"What do you want? I told you I never wanted to see your face again."
I say his shortly and with a cold sting to my words. And I don't feel the slightest bit of remorse, because she brought this on herself.
"Listen Sarah, I heard about your dad and phoned home, Jamie answered and told me you were here. I came as fast as I could... is everything alright? I mean, with the baby?"
I'm am largely taken aback by her response... it sounds like she actually cares.
I don't know what to say so for a while I just open and close my mouth like a fish out of water.
Until Jai speaks up.
"You have no right to be here or within a million miles of My girl or our baby! How dare you have the audacity to come in here and act like nothing has happened! You really care? Well you will
l care enough to get the fuck out then! And we will see you at Bert's funeral that I guess you won't be chipping in for?!'
Now she's the fish put of water.
I grasp Jai's hand, I love him.
"You have enough on your plate, leave the funeral to me, I'll make sure Bert gets the send off he deserves.."
She trails off because she knows what I'm thinking. Her. He deserved more than her, and what she did. She tore our family apart. "Mummykins" is the exact reason why She is gone.
And she silently slips out of the room because I know she remembers what happened.
