This Isn't Love ➳ Camila/You

Chapter Nineteen

"I'm George Huang, you can take a seat wherever you'd like." Dr.Huang introduced himself. He greeted both girls, taking a seat behind his office desk. Camila and Y/N eyed the bean bags but thought against it, heading to the chairs instead.

"I am a psychologist and a psychiatrist." Dr.Huang explained. Y/N glanced behind him to see two framed certificates, "My goal is to help you both individually so you can improve as a couple."

He smiled, looking at the couple in front of him, "What are your goals?"

Y/N and Camila exchanged hurried glances.

Y/N took the initiative to respond first, "Well, I um, I'd love to have less anxiety and panic attacks," she shrugged, "and definitely more communication skills."

"And Camila?" Dr.Huang asked as he scribbled into his notepad.

The brunette shifted in her seat. She took a moment to breathe, "Recently I've had struggles with self-esteem, so I'd like to improve it."

Dr.Huang nodded, raising an eyebrow to urge Camila to continue. She lifted her fingers, beginning to list things off, "I want to work on my trust and communication skills as well,"

"Ah, great!" Dr.Huang looked up from his notepad, "Finding common ground already." He noted, pointing towards the couple wanting to both improve their communication. He huffed, leaning back into his chair.

"For my evaluation, I have to ask a few personal questions. Is that alright?" He eyed the couple, both girls hummed in agreement.

Through their conversation, Dr.Huang got the gist of Y/N and Camila's backgrounds.

Camila had a pretty stable childhood. Her home life wasn't too hectic, despite a couple of parental arguments. She'd developed a good relationship with her parents and they were supportive. Her first taste of instability had come in the form of her first love, her first relationship - Y/N. So to seek balance again, Camila would seek to settle and compromise. When that ended, her second relationship was with a woman by the name of Lauren Jauregui.

"Lauren used to take her temper out on me," Camila's voice wavered. Dr.Huang handed her a tissue box, he bit his lip, needing to get more clarification on the subject matter.

"Physically?"

Camila's eyes shifted to the floor and Y/N stepped in to answer for her, "Physically and verbally,"

Camila sniffled, clearing her throat and nudging Y/N in gratitude. Dr.Huang gave his patient a break, writing the rest of her background down in his chart.

Domestic abusers make their victims feel less of value to keep control of them. Now Camila was struggling with the after effects, and Dr.Huang was determined to help.

Y/N began to share her past openly,

Her childhood had been rough. She'd witnessed abuse on a daily basis. She was insecure about becoming abusive or having any characteristics of her father's. Y/N resented her mother for not leaving him and sparing her and her brothers the trauma they went through.

"Our parents are the first people we develop relationships with. Unfortunately, yours weren't the best," Dr.Huang interrupted, he signaled for Y/N to continue.

Her first relationship had been with Camila. She'd been trying to keep her family life in the background and continued to feel like she couldn't give Camila enough.

"It's a habit of anxiety," Dr.Huang connected the dots, "So much to do, too much to give, but there's so little time,"

Y/N smiled eagerly, leaning forward in her chair. Dr.Huang had described what she couldn't in words.

She'd developed anxiety at a young age from being constantly on edge, worrying about her mother's well-being. Her untreated anxiety formed panic attacks, despite this, Dr.Huang was impressed with her. Y/N had managed to bring daily attacks to a less frequency, but he was certain he could help decrease them.

"What coping mechanisms do you use?" Dr. Huang's eyes flickered with interest. When Y/N came to a blank, Camila intervened.

"She uses her five senses to ground herself," Camila smiled proudly, "And sometimes I sing her a lullaby she wrote, it helps her calm down."

Y/N's cheeks became rosy, Dr.Huang chuckled and moved on to the next topic.

He looked over his notes. Y/N and Camila used to argue often when they were younger and continued to have conflicts of interest in the present day.

"Now, I sort of want to have an argument."Camila sighed, running a hand through her hair. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, shifting her body to face Camila.

"I want to be able to have a disagreement without flinching, without getting scared," Camila slammed her hands against her thighs. Dr.Huang understood her exasperation. She wanted to erase the habits Lauren's behavior instilled in her.

"I want to work on being more open, emotionally," Y/N gulped, she'd always been emotionally distant even when she wasn't trying to be. Dr.Huang nodded, her anxiety had developed a barrier between her emotions but he could bring them down. He moved on to his last question.

"How's your sex life?"

"Um...what?" Camila nearly choked on her spit, Y/N's eyes widened at the sudden topic change.

"I know it's invasive but, do you and Camila..."

Y/N zoned out, blushing furiously as she remembered the day before.

Y/N had just finished undressing Camila, gently pushing her down onto the bed. She continued to kiss every inch of exposed skin, realizing how much she'd missed the brunette. The warmth of her body, the scent of her perfume, the way Camila would giggle through awkward pauses or Y/N's mistakes. As she left an open-mouthed kiss above Camila's waist, Y/N glanced up, her eyes focusing on the bottom of her girlfriend's jaw.

Through a cloud of lust, Camila's eyebrows furrowed in worry. Her head shot up at the feeling of a wet drop against her thigh. She sat up against the headboard, pulling Y/N into an embrace.

The girl had erupted into a fit of tears.

"You're my priority, do you know that?" Y/N muttered against Camila's neck. Camila hummed and smiled, rubbing circles into her back.

"You deserve all of the love in the world, you never deserved this..." Y/N lifted her head, tracing a sole finger under Camila's chin. Camila frowned, her eyes welled up with tears. Y/N had been crying over the scar Lauren's ring had caused in their final confrontation.

"You never deserved this, either." Camila choked up, allowing her eyes to fall on the scar in the middle of Y/N's lip.

After an awkward detailed explanation of their last sexual encounter, Dr.Huang showed genuine remorse for the couple's trauma. He congratulated them on the way they handled the situation, comforting each other was all they could do.

He gave Y/N and Camila a layout of what they were going to do after their evaluation. They'd been scheduled for weekly sessions and would work through Cognitive Behavior Therapy - which would help them improve communication and manage their emotions. As for Y/N individually, he prescribed her medication to help combat her severe anxiety and panic attacks until she could learn to fully cope with them.

"Good on you both, for taking the first step to therapy. It shows your strength as a couple, we'll get started next session." Dr.Huang escorted his patients out of the office. Once they were in the safety of their car, Y/N laughed hysterically.

"Get started? I thought we already started!" She slapped her knee, her body shaking with laughter. Camila grinned, shoving her girlfriend playfully.

She felt lighter. Opening up was exactly what she'd needed, and from Y/N's reaction, she was sure her girlfriend had felt better after their session.

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Author's Note: This chapter was rewritten with my new knowledge of how therapy works, compared to the old crap I wrote. Therapy is the best thing I've done, I recommend it to anyone, even if you don't think you need it. Getting a professional's perspective on you as a person or your life, works wonders.