Our Last Chance (Camren)

Chapter 21

"It's hard though." Camila replied.

"What is?"

"Not letting you go.. I don't want too but on one side I do. Because you deserve a better life." Camila sobbed into Lauren's chest. Her heart broke at Camila's words. Why did she think so poorly about herself.

"Babe, we're gonna work on you. But you have to accept the help okay?" She softly whispered. She felt Camila nod against her chest.

"I don't love myself." Camila suddenly said. It took a moment for Lauren to catch on why Camila was saying this when she remembered, she had asked her this some time ago. Camila decided to answer now.

"Can I ask why?"

"I don't know. I just never felt.. like I was okay with myself. When I was younger I always wanted to change something about myself. My parents.. especially my father wanted me to be.. this super kid. You know the one who never makes mistakes and does what he wants. I tried to become that but as I got older it started to take a toll on me you know? His expectations were high. My mom.. Well you know that story. She is never happy with me. No matter what I do it's never good enough. She is the one that makes me feel so low. I feel like people only loved me when I was something they wanted me to be. I didn't like the way I was. I started to rebel against everyone. I started having anxiety and anger problems. I went to therapy.. They tried to help me but then I stopped thinking I had recovered. I used alcohol.." She bowed her head down in shame.

Lauren stroked her hair. Waiting for her to continue.

"When I got to spend time with you Lauren. You were the only one who.. who actually didn't care what I was you still loved me. You defended me so much. You were so independent and strong and I admired that so much about you. You made me feel like it was okay to be myself. I fell in love with you. But you were something I could never have. You were too good for me. Somehow faith made me lucky because it's seven years later and you're married to me. You're the only one who ever made me feel like I was okay. Just being me. So I have repeated you with nothing but betrayal and hurt. I couldn't live with myself knowing that the one person who actually made me feel good.. That I.." She took a deep breath. "That I betrayed you like that. By teaming up with my father and Ariana to ruin you."

"It was horrible that the people who actually wanted me to be something I wasn't and always made me feel unworthy. That I did everything for them but for you, the one person who was good to me. I did nothing but hurt you. That alone made me feel very guilty. But then came the times when I would screw up like for example these past two weeks and you would always forgive me and tell me it was okay. That makes me feel so horrible. Like after all this shit. You're still willing to be with me. I guess that's why I just couldn't handle things. I'm a broken woman. Most women would have left me a long time ago. And I would understand."

"I wouldn't ever." Lauren said determined. Camila lifted her head from Lauren's chest to look into her eyes.

"That's exactly what I can't understand. You stay.. you forgive me. You are with me.. You.." Camila trailed off.

Lauren smiled at her. "You forgot to mention something else.."

Camila looked at her in deep thought. What did she forget?

"I love you." Lauren helped her out.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should always stay with me and forgive me when I'm being like this." Camila argued. It wasn't that she wanted Lauren to leave her. But she wanted Lauren to know that she deserved so much better and if she couldn't offer her that then she wanted her to be with someone who could.