Dream a Little Dream

Dream a Little Dream - Dream 15

Dream 15

“You shouldn’t be alone!” Shelly argued as she drove Susan to the airport, “move out here. We’ll help you with the baby.”

It had been like this ever since Susan found out she was pregnant. Shelly wanted, no, Shelly expected Susan to give up her life, what life she had left, and move out west to be close to her sister. Susan had once again promised Shelly she would think about it. And she seriously would. Jack wasn’t there and she knew that she would need help. But a very strong part of her still wanted to have the baby grow up in the house... no... the home that she and Jack created for their life together. This decision would take not only time, but prayer. Lots and lots of prayer!

Susan protectively rubbed her flat stomach. She still couldn’t believe she was pregnant. She had called the fertility doctor’s office first thing this morning and they were squeezing her in tomorrow. She just needed confirmation, to hear a doctor say, “Yes Mrs. Rusaw, you’re pregnant!” After all these years... pregnant!! She still couldn’t believe it was real!

Tuning out her sister, Susan wondered about the child she would raise. Would he look like Jack? Have the dark brown hair, and slightly crooked grin that always melted Susan’s heart? Would he act like Jack? Never give up once he set his mind to something? Would the baby be a he at all? Maybe Jack was leaving her a small copy of herself, Lord help her, she shook her head at that thought. No, this was a boy. She could feel it all the way to her bones.

Next to her, Shelly kept listing all the reasons why Susan should move closer, not realizing her sister had already moved on in the conversation. “I’ll call you when I get home.” Susan quickly said as she hugged Shelly goodbye. She reached down and kissed Gracie, “I wuv you, Miss Gracie!” And before either could reply, Susan was heading through the security gate to peace and quiet on the other side.

Ever since finding out she was pregnant, Susan had a new fire within her, a new desire and a new attitude. She no longer moped around wishing she had been in the car with Jack. Everything now revolved around the child that was smaller than her finger, growing inside of her womb.

******

The extent of her protectiveness became evident on the Thursday night during the grief group meeting. Jacob was talking about Saturday’s team building activity and where to meet. The group was going skydiving and although this was something Susan had looked forward to, now that she knew she was pregnant, there was no way she would do anything to endanger the child. Jack’s child.

It had taken her a couple of days to get use to the idea of being pregnant after so much time grieving over the thought that she would never have Jack’s baby. The fertility doctor confirmed the pregnancy tests she had taken at Shelly’s, and told her that she was two months pregnant.

Now sitting in the grief group, listening to Jacob talk about the fun they were going to have on Saturday, Susan said, “I won’t be able to go with you. But, if you go out afterwards, I would love to join you then.”

Betsy was the first to speak up, “Now Susan, if you are afraid of heights, we can help you overcome that fear. Face it head on with us and we’ll all have a good time.”

Smiling at her new friends concern for her wellbeing, “It’s not that I’m afraid of heights, I found out some news that will change things a little for me.” Susan knew she was smiling, she couldn’t help it. Whenever she thought about the baby, she began to smile and couldn’t stop.

“Spill it!” Kathy said, “We know it’s good news. It’s written all over your face.”

Taking a deep breath, Susan exhaled and spoke quickly, “I’m pregnant!” As she spoke the words, everyone clapped and congratulated her. When her eyes fell on Jacob, he looked truly happy for her. “We tried for so long, even went to a fertility specialist. When Jack died, I thought that our dream of having a baby had died with him. But,” she shrugged, “I guess God had other plans.”