Dream a Little Dream

Dream a Little Dream - Dream 9

Dream 9

The military organization that Susan contacted three days later was thrilled to give the European vacation to a couple that had been separated for over a year of deployment. Susan sat at Jack’s desk after hanging up the phone. She felt happy giving the vacation to a deserving couple who needed time together after being apart for so long, but she also felt a sense of loss not going with Jack on the trip of a lifetime. A trip they had dreamed of.

Gracie came walking into the office and padded up to her aunt, patting Susan on the thigh. Susan looked down at the angelic face and picked her up giving her a kiss on the cheek before settling the child into her lap. “I love you, Miss Gracie.”

“I wub you Aunt Suzza.”  Susan smiled at the nickname her niece had given her.

“Where’s your mama?”

“Here I am,” Shelly said as she walked in and collapsed on the sofa. She had been on the phone with Josh. Susan had told her, begged her for over a week to go home to her husband and her life. Shelly had spent the last week trying to get her to move to Denver and close to her. She had even gone so far as to leave printouts of real estate information of for homes within a five mile radius of Shelly’s house sitting around for Susan to find.

Susan tickled Gracie making the little girl laugh. “Did he agree with me?” Susan asked smiling at the child in her arms and not even glancing to her sister.

“Yes.” Shelly said tentatively, “And no.” Susan could feel Shelly’s glare directed towards her, but she still didn’t look at her.

“You need to be home. With your family. Hunter and Josh need you.”

Shelly took a deep breath and sighed. Susan knew she won that argument. “I know. Josh does too. He wants me to come home. But...”

“But?” Susan did risk a glance over to her sister to get the reply she knew she would dread.

“But he thinks you should come and visit for a while. A month or two in a different environment.”

Susan laughed, “You might as well say what you’re thinking because we both know what it is.”

Shelly sat up and looked at Susan, “Okay. We don’t want you to be alone right now. You need family.”

Susan stood up and carried a wiggling Gracie to her mother and sat her down on the sofa next to Shelly, “And what you are trying not to say is that you are afraid when I am alone I will do something drastic. Do you really think so little of me that I would do that? I won’t.” Susan sat down and crossed her arms across her chest. She couldn’t help but look at the shelf and see the bookends, the clock and the pictures of her Jack’s life together. She missed him, but she would never end her life.

“Susan...” Shelly leaned over starting the argument again to convince her sister to come with her.

“I haven’t cried today.” Susan cut her off with that unexpected declaration. The words made the tension in her body relax and she sighed and closed her eyes.

“What?” Shelly was surprised and when Susan opened her eyes, she could see it in her sister’s face.

“I haven’t cried today.” Susan smiled, “Well, the day’s not over yet. But so far this is the first day I have made it to,” Susan looked at the clock on the shelf, “Three-thirty and I’ve not shed a tear.”

“That’s great. But, I still would feel better...”

Susan cut her off again, “Exactly! YOU would feel better. But, if I have a chance to be selfish here, I won’t feel better anywhere but here.” Susan took a deep breath, “Now don’t get me wrong, maybe in a year or two or even six months, I might come out and tell you I want to move. But right now, I need to be here. Not for Jack, but for me. I’ve lost too much with his death, I don’t need to lose my house and job and start over right now. Let me catch my breath and breathe for a while. Get back on my feet and then I can think about what comes next. I’ll be out in a little over a month for Hunter’s birthday.” Susan smiled at her sister. “You can try to woo me to move west again then. But right now, I need to be here. I’m not sure I know why exactly, but I’m staying until I know my time here is complete.”