Never Knew

Regret

I hated that I'd broken down in front of him, that he knew me so well. He was the one person that scared me, that made me doubt myself. He knew how I felt, what hurt me. He'd been sitting on my bed beside me letting me hold his hand, trying to help me, and I just pushed him away again. He was right, but I couldn't let him know that. I promised myself years ago that I would never let anyone see me cry, and I did break down, I did cry. I loved him, but I had to stop feeling this way, I needed to. I pulled the blankets to my neck and cried quietly. I heard footsteps and the door opened. Riley walked in and looked at me. Her eyes went wide.
Riley: "Maya.."
I quickly wiped my eyes.
Me: "I'm fine Riley."
Riley: "What did he do?"
Me: "What?"
Riley: "Josh, he walked out almost crying and now you....."
I felt my eyes widen. I shook my head.
Me: "It was my fault, it's always my fault."
Riley: "Maya what?"
I got up and felt pain in my ankle. I winced and bit my lip.
Riley: "You should stay off your ankle."
I shook my head, then made my way over to my dresser. I chose a black bra and bottom set, a maroon silk spaghetti strap pajama top, and black yoga pants. I walked out of the room looking down. I walked into the bathroom and set my clothes on the counter. I undressed, put my dirty clothes in the hamper then showered. I brushed my teeth, then dried off and got ready. I put on deodorant, brushed my hair into a ponytail, then put on lip balm. I walked out and tripped on the couch leg, falling to the floor. I felt pain shoot through my ankle. I felt tears well up in my eyes and heard a whimper escape my throat. I bit my lip so I wouldn't cry. I heard hurried footsteps and felt a hand on my arm. Sparks went through my arm. I looked up and saw Josh sitting on the floor beside me looking at me panicked.
Josh: "Maya!"
I took a deep breath and tried to get up. He picked me up and set me on the couch, sitting beside me. He grabbed my leg gently and looked at my ankle. He looked upset.
Josh: "It looks worse, I should get my mom..."
Me: "No, when the storm is over I'll go to the doctor, I won't worry everyone."
Josh: "Maya they love you, they deserve to know."
Me: "It's not up to you, just...."
Josh: "Stop acting like I'm a stranger, why won't you let me help, why are you pushing me away?"
Me: "You don't want to know."
Josh: "Yes I do just tell me."
I sat up and rested my hands against his cheeks. I looked into his eyes. His expression was worried. I leaned in and rested my lips against his. I felt sparks go through my lips and a surge of warmth fill me. I shut my eyes and parted his lips with mine, kissing him gently. His breathing sped up and I felt his hands on my waist. He gently pushed me away. I opened my eyes. He was staring at me wide eyed and startled.
Me: "I love you."