Almost Always

{2}

My mind was overflowing with a sort of hate/love for Becca. I honestly wasn't scared of being catfished with a hairy man named jack who graduated in 1985 but what I really was terrified of was rejection.
"Jamie you're late !" My mother said rudely interrupting my thoughts
"Blame Steven" I haven't even stepped one foot into the door without being harassed about the little things.
"You're always blaming someone it's like you have an excuse for everything" she said from her office . Typical mom. All she does all day is hide in her office while steering my big life choices. She wasn't big but she also wasn't small just average with a short trimmed unnatural dyed jet black hair do that makes her look twenty times older than she already is this lady will take a bullet for her job she will also nag to the closest underage minor there is. So I can't really compare her as being my role model.
"Steven didn't pick me up he isn't even here" I rolled my eyes knowing she wouldn't notice
"Okay...and? " she took a heavy sigh "I expect you to be here right after school " sounding more harsher with every syllable.
Speaking of the brat.
Steven walked in as if he had the cure for world hunger. His natural black hair and blue eyes which made him stand out as apparently being irresistibly mysterious which is what Becca used to describe him as. it was impossible to believe that we were both related without thinking one of us were adopted.
"Where have you been" I said in a near whisper
" Whaaat... I had stuff to do its not like you were totally abandoned " he said rolling his eyes then putting on his headphones.
"Oh my gosh will you listen to me!" I said pulling them out
"Jeez Jamie I could still hear you " with that he obnoxiously put them back in. My brother has been that way since his "scene" phase two years ago let's just say it was way better that he stopped listening to death metal and started listening to country. Which saved the walls being threatened being punched in by his own two fists . Steven takes his own personal culture seriously.
"Mom thought it was all my fault she seems pretty pissed"
"When isn't she pissed" he said a little too loudly.
    "You both do realize I'm still in the house" she yelled. We both erupted in laughter times like this made it seem like my family wasn't an unstable emotional wreck.
   The typical Friday for the Thompson family consisted of everyone getting the usual Thai food takeout up to our rooms and ate alone trust me it was more peaceful that way . Our conversations always ended up in yelling and cries of threats well at least since my mom's mom died in some tragic fire at her home that she grew up in. Ever since then mom has been in an autopilot mode. only feeling anger and some pain she says we'd never understand but deep down we do.
   "Okay you two know the deal" My mom said pulling the leftovers from last week out. Without being told twice almost falling  into our old dangerous habits until:
    "Actually I have plans" Steven said placing his plate back in the cupboard
     "Be back by ten" my mom said without looking up
     "Last time I checked I was an adult" he said a little roughly
    "I'm locking the doors at ten" she said firmly
    And exactly on cue Steven stomped off. That was my signal to leave before all hell breaks loose with my mom's famous rants.
***
Upstairs my laptop was taunting me to check out the account that could possibly change my life. Probably by now you'd know the route I took. I typed in the url and searched up reviews waiting for Becca to text me back.
"6 out of 10- controls are confusing but found my fifth fiancé last week"
Umm..
"10 out of 10-I didn't have to become a cat lady alone! I found Robert and promised we could raise cats together!"
I mean that's not that horrible
"1 out of 10- I wish there was a way to rate this any lower I thought I found my Prince Charming bet he turned out to be fifty years older than me... WORST WEBSITE EVER!!!"
    Uhm what did I just get my self into. But I was always taught to be open minded so here goes nothing
***
     Hours later my phone buzzed waking me up from my sleep.

Rebecca: sorry I was making adjustments to your account
 
Me: no it's fine

Rebecca: you're honestly gonna love it

Me:  okay what's the information?

***
After hours of trying to get the information I finally got it.As usual I sent my thanks and told her I'd give her all the details tomorrow .
The first thing I noticed when I logged on was the huge collection of fake happy couples doing interesting couple things.
Usually I snoop around a new site that I sign up for but in the short two minutes of being on I noticed I had 20+ messages so being the dork I am I thought this was going to be a breeze. But little did I know all of those messages weren't for me.
My profile picture that Becca hooked me up with was from the junior year retreat last year I looked hideous in a school bus yellow t shirt smiling from ear to ear with my hair in a frizzy mess but Rebecca on the other hand was standing next to me with her eye catching neon pink tank top and salon styled hair in a ponytail. Let's just say the messages were for the unnatural red head and not the dull blonde.
I screamed into my pillow probably cursing Becca in billions of ways. After my little um melt down I thought the simple thing to do was change the picture to just me I believe the picture from the Halloween party last week was perfect and simple for someone like me.
Nothing.
Oh well I thought Rome wasn't built in a day. So I browsed looking through random profiles as if I was window shopping.
1 new messages
An icon on the bottom lest of the screen practically screaming at me to click it.
"No I can't handle anymore Becca messages maybe tomorrow. " I softly whispered closing the laptop.
I feel as if the world is fair to everyone but me I mean it's as if Shakespeare wrote the tragedy known as my life sometimes I ask my self what I'm really afraid of and honestly I never knew until I saw that eye sore of a message blinking, reminding me that I'm afraid of the Rejection I might face.