This one, much like the female version, is the description of most teenage boys, except my bestest friend, Matt. Oh, who the hell am I kidding, he's the worse of 'em all! CALM DOWN MATT, I CAN SEE YOU RIGHT NOW TRYING TO HURT THAT WALL BEHIND YOU. I'm joking. No I'm not. Yes I am. Am I? We'll never really know even though I am joking though. But even so. I personally think guys are better than girls, anyways, so I don't know if I'll even be able to have much to make fun of in this uh, aspect. GRAMMAR NAZIS, back the fuck off, I don't know if I used 'aspect' right, but if I didn't, just back, right, the, fuck, off. ok well. Pull up a chair, grab the left over zebra in the refridgerator and get a nice cold can of Arizona, because if I find out you're not sitting, and you're eating anything but a zebra or drinking anything other than Arizona, (especially if you're drinking Pepsi.) I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL HURT YOU, AND I WILL PUT YOU IN A FUCKING WRESTLING RING TIED UP AT MONEY IN THE BANK AND WATCH YOU GET CRUSHED, and laugh, and hope you be broken under the ladder or a big muscley sweaty guy falls on you and breaks you. Well. Have a great day! :)
This one directly goes out to you mother fucking swagfags, god you lot piss me off so bad. Because, well, what the fuck. YOU FUCKING THINK, you're going to be like, 'OH HEY LOOK AT ME WIT MY MONEY AND MA CHICKZZZZZZZZ BECAUSE YOLO.' and get all big & famous rapping STUPID ASS CORNY LYRICS with no MOTHER FUCKING meaning at all. Trust me, keep the act up, only thing you'll be 'rapping' up is burgers at Burger King! Ya'll got no damn respect either, let me tell you! Fuckin' goin' 'round telling your damn peers to go fucking kill 'em selves, 'cos they gon' be a "mother fucking virgin at 80' - no, that ain't even bad okay, fuckiing disrespecting the people who are trying to HELP you? 'bro get a life you're gonna need them someday. No, that isn't the worst. WHEN YOU GO AROUND, AND DISRESPECT YOUR MOTHER, just get out. Get out and go smoke your damn weed, insert heroin, pop 'da pills & don't return. 'Yo momma probs gonna be like, 'damn I wish I could just refund this piece of shit!' and then ya gon' feel like SHIIIIIIIIT when she 6 ft under. By the way, get a fucking belt. No one wants to see your damn 'oh so gangster & cool & rad & don't mess with me' boxers half way down ya ass. Sure it might be the god damn fucking shit nowadays the way you livin' - you move out you'll be on the damn street in a box. You be like, 'bitch, money, now.' 'HELL NAW.' you da kind of person who'll be like, 'HAHAH LOOK AT ME I'M GOING TO BEAT THESE PUSSSYYYSS UPPPPP!' And then walk into some fucking boulder in the UFC or WWE and be like, haha bitch lets go, and get yo DAMN FACE POUNDED IN, and you'll GO, TO, SLEEP. KNEE TO FACE, when ya wake up we'd hope you got some sense tho.
YOU GUYS, A LOT OF YOU, ARE SO JEALOUS OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS GUYFRIENDS. GOD DAMN. You know wot. If you going to suspect your girl is cheating on you with her best friends, which in my case and a lot other's are mainly guys, you got some fucking issues and you just gotta learn to fucking trust. SERIOUSLY. IS IT THAT HARD. THAAAAAT HARD? Or, oh, you think because you LOVE a girl who isn't YOURS, she can't be with other people? SHE'S AUTOMATICALLY YOUR POSSESION? YOU GET TO KNOW EVERYTHING SHE DOES? No. NO. NO. NO. NO. #subjecttoblock YOU DAMN STALKERS. get a hold of yourselves. your girlfriend loves you she ain't going to do shit to you. I get you know that some of these guys are fighting to get outta the friendzone, but budddyyyyy, IT AIN'T EVER GOING TO HAPPEN if she still loves YOU. ALL IT WILL DO is drive her the fuck away in a Ferarri Maranello. ALSO, Don't even expect her to wanna give head to you if you act like a dick to her guyfriends or start a fight with her because you ain't trusting her. AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TRYING to get some friends that are girls to make her jealous because, bitch puhlease, she'll see right through it and your sorry ass will be SIX. FEET. UNDER. or on the street. whichever comes first.
SOME OF YOU GUYS, care more about ya god damn call of duty than ya damn health. Bitch, lay off the Twinkies and put the damn controller down, or are you already too fat to move ya arms? Or when ya girlfriend calls, *ignore call* WHY? because ya in the middle of a damn game. Bitch, get up and shower or you ain't even gonna HAVE a girlfriend no more. I know guys who wake up, go to school, talk about COD (Call Of Duty) at school, go home, eat cod, (the fish) while playing COD and then dream about COD.
Then you guys, this is actually based off a specific person because I've never met anyone like this besides ONE person, no names tho okay. You gotta act like a DAMMNNNN bitch to everyone, and then watch them get pissed at you and ignore you, and then when you get bored you say sorry, most of ya friends be like, 'yeah its ok.' BUT NO. WITH ME, OR ANYONE LIKE ME, YOU CAN SHOVE THAT APOLOGY UP THE HOLE OF YOUR 2 INCH DICK HOLE. You then blame it on Bi-Polar, BITCH I DON'T CARE. BI-POLAR DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE IT RIGHT. It doesn't affect your actions, only your mood. You choose to act on your mood, so fuck. you. #subjecttoblock BECAUSE I AIN'T EVEN LIKE YOU. YOU THINK I LIKE YOU, SO YOU ASK ME, 'hey, am I yo friend?' I have to stare OFF IN THE GOD DAMNED distance because I CAN'T answer that question without sounding like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE I really am. MY BEST FRIEND, who has known you since she was born, I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE TOLERATES THIS SHIT. SHE'S DEALED WITH IT FOR 14 YEARS. I'VE NOT EVEN DEALED A YEAR & I'M DONE WITH THE BULLSHIT. Get a life. No wonder you can't get a girlfriend! YOU MIGHT BEAT HER IF SHE SAYS NO TO MAKING YOU A SANDWICH. You're so sexist, I MEAN SO SEXIST. We were making pizza one day. You be like, girls can't actually cook.. most of the worlds best cooks are guys. I PROVED YOU WRONG BITCH. my pizza was sexier and tastier than yours, go suck a dick, it probably tastes better than ya damn cooking. YOU CONSTANTLY BRAG about losing your virginity when you were in like grade 5? 6? NO ONE CARES. YOU FUCKING PERV.
I'm sorry. I actually can't think of anything else that is wrong with a man. This sucks. -tear.
