So, today I heard people were beginning to get their schedules and whatnot for the school year. I checked a high school's website and scrolled through it to see if I could find a school supplies list. Instead I found this piece of crap interwebs poster obviously done by some untalented 6th grader, but along with the poster was a colorful, like, REALLY colorful webpage of rules and guidelines of the internet. I looked at them and laughed at how many I've broken.. but you know. Why not roast it.
'Your screen name should not identify you as a boy or girl.'OH, okay. I understand this completely! there's 7.1 (7.2?) BILLION people on this planet, it makes total sense that they'd guess exactly who you are with a chance of what? 1 out of 7100000000?! Jesus internet haters, get some help - and maybe some school, to up that low IQ of yours, DAMN.
'You should never give out your name or the names of your family members.'
Understandable for your family members, I do that anyways because I have ALLLLLL of my online friends on Facebook, but there's probably at least one THOUSAND people with the same first and last name as I, so why the FUCK should I bother? I remember one time I couldn't find my friends Facebook, so I searched her name and added every single mother fucking one of them. Guess what? None of them were her. NONE.
'You should never give out your age or birthday'
Well! Considering with the games I play on the INTERNET, to do a lot of things and be accepted you NEED to give out your age. Once again, you can't be hunted the fuck down by your birthday or age. How many 14 year olds live in this planet? Probably a lot.
'Don't give out your home or email address'
This makes half sense. Home address, you could be stalked and murdered and thrown into a trunk and pissed on by a Shane Dawson look-a-like, or better yet, Shane Dawson himself. Email address? PPPFFFTTTT. Emails are so people can contact you. Why shouldn't you give strangers whom I seem to call friends your email address so they can talk to you? Oh. That's right. NO ONE USES EMAIL ANYMORE UNLESS IT'S ABSOLUTELY 100% NECESSARY. Or if they're 60 year old cat ladies who's only friends are those on Pogo where they play Scrabble all the time. Still doesn't change the fact that I've given most of my friends my home address for some stupid reason, and they haven't killed me. Yet.
'Phone numbers. Home. Work. Cell.'
This does make sense. Home? I gave out my home phone number once to a guy named Chris. He betrayed me and called me when I said not to, and um yeah. I was in a lot of trouble so THATS A FANTASTIC IDEA.. Well, don't do it if you have douche bag friends on the internet. I gave Elise it, too. She called me and thought I was a chinese lady and hung up. THANKS, BITCH! Love you. Cell phone is also a good idea only because of long distance charges. Only give internet friends your cell phone number if you live in the same country, little kids:) Only one of my friends has mine<_< Only because he lives like an hour away. BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT, he's a lesbian he won't hurt me. :)
'Don't upload a picture of yourself or your friends'
Well, the worst anyone could possibly do with a picture is sit there and jack off to it..
"oh that ear."
"OHHH THAT EAR JUST GETS ME GOING,."
"fapfapfapfapfapfapfap mmm that ear makes me so moist fapfapfap'
A little creepy.. But that's all the harm that could be done.
'Never fill out online forms, questionnaires, registrations, profile pages, etc.'
Oops. Tell that to my:
Facebook
Twitter
Wattpad
Polyvore
Club Penguin? LOL
Panfu? Another lols.
Habbo Hotel
Every Habbo Retro in existance..
KIK
KEEK
Origin
Youtube
Reddit
4Chan
Webs
Shane Dawson's Forum
Ragezone
Need I go on? I have so many accounts on so many things. What's the harm, though? All you're doing is extending your internet popularity. Look how that worked for Justin Bieber!
um
bad example.
moving on..
'Never share your passwords with anyone but your parents.'
Well oops. Considering a lot of my friends own retros and other websites, they can get my password ANYWAYS. My friends aren't dicks, they're just penis'. So obviously you really shouldn't give out your password, but I don't give a fuck and that's on my list of 'internet rules I broke..?'
'Don't use the same password for everything'
You expect me to REMEMBER 100+ different passwords? You could definitely suck a dick, I don't mind. Bad idea tho because now any of my friends could get into my fb and shit LOLS oh well #yolo
'Downloading? NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN'
It's funny how that's actually the header. No downloading? Aw but there where will I get my Lindsay Lohan porn :( I'm joking, but seriously. I HAVE MANY PROGRAMS I NEED. AND WANT. AND WILL PROBABLY MARRY SOME DAY, so I will download WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. It's true I did kill my last laptop from downloads.. but now I'm more careful. Maybe.. I give it a year and this computer will be destroyed.
'Never agree to meet anyone you know online.'
No promises. I've already met the guy who lives an hour away and he didn't try to kill me, he's actually really fantastic so lols shame on you. I'm GOING TO MEET ALL MY INTERNET FRIENDS, and if I die from one of them you may say I told you so over my grave until the day you die. Not every damn internet person is dangerous. They get told the same things we do. THEY'RE JUST LIKE US, DAMMIT THIS IS NOT THE YEAR 2000 - 2009 PEOPLE ARE A LOT SMARTER, BITCH.
'If anyone you've met online sends you anything in the mail don't open it.'
Why? A guy I know sent my best friend a birthday card and stuff in the mail and it was so cute okay. It won't kill you, considering EVERYTHING GOES THROUGH CUSTOMS. The Canadian government doesn't allow illegal or harmful things to come to you in the mail, so what's the worry?
'Only accept friend requests from people you know irl'
Why? Most of the people I know irl are DOUUUCCHHEE BAAGGGGGSSS. Internet people are so much better. Really. IRL people = bull shit drama no one needs. Internet people = awesome and perfect and unique pieces of genius art.
I hope you learned a thing or 2 about the internet, because I sure haven't!
