Harmless Things (Jean Hobbs AU)

Part nineteen

Jack P.O.V.

He didn't know that I did, but I watched Dean walk down the path of my house and turn right, back on his way home. Only when was he out of sight I could sigh heavily and then breathe easier, sinking to the floor and realising how much my hands were shaking and how suddenly empty I felt now that I told Dean to stay away. 

Did I regret it? 

I think I did, but not enough to run after him and kiss him in the rain and repeatedly apologize, not like they did in the movies, because this wasn't scripted, this was how life was - there were problems and people in the way and nothing ever worked out perfectly or turned out anywhere near to how you wanted them to.

And of course I felt guilty for hurting him, but what else could I do? I couldn't risk anyone finding out about anything that had happened between me and Dean, from the hand holding that felt natural and the cuddles we had had in private to the kiss that shouldn't have happened. 

If I let him go now, it meant he wouldn't have to deal with humiliation and awkward questions if we were ever found out. If I let him go now it meant he could move on, fall in love with someone else that openly shared the mutual feelings and he'd be happy then and thank me for doing this now.

This was just what was best for him right now, but I didn't think it was the best for me. I felt sick from guilt and I was aching for Dean, but he wouldn't listen and take me back, I knew he wouldn't, not after hurting him like I did. Suddenly everything in my room seemed to remind me of him, so I picked myself up and reached for my phone, deciding who to call. I decided on Lyle and listened to the repetitive rings until he picked up. 

"Hello?" 

"Hey Lyle." 

"What's up Jack?" 

"Can I come over?" 

"Sure, sure." 

"Thanks, I'll be there in about 10 minutes." 

"Alright, see you later," I hung up and changed out my uniform before leaving the house as fast as I could. Maybe being around someone else would be good for me since I had been abandoning everyone else a lot lately to spend as much time as I could with Dean. 

I put my hood up despite knowing it was a lost cause since the rain was heavy and seeped through to my hair no less than a minute later, but it didn't really matter how I looked to Lyle. I knocked on the door of number 94 and he pulled it open, looking at me curiously at first then smiling a little. We went up to his room and I noticed how awkward it actually was when silence fell on us and we exchanged glances.

“So?” He asked me eventually.

“So what?”

“Why are you here?”

“I just wanted to see someone I guess,” I said shrugging.

“O-kay,” he raised his eyebrows and turned the TV on, but it was more for background noise. “What about Dean? You’re always with him now.”

“Uh, we… we’re not friends anymore.”

“Why not?”

I felt my stomach churn, remembering when I kissed him and wondered if I should tell him what happened, but I knew I couldn’t really trust Lyle and twisted it instead.

“He kissed me.”

Lyle started laughing then suddenly stopped and turned to face me, his mouth dropping into an ‘o’ and his eyes widened.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

“Yep.”

“Oh my God, this is priceless,” I just shrugged and felt even worse for lying, but I couldn’t ever tell anyone what really happened because I dreaded what they would say. “So Dean’s gay?”