Harmless Things (Jean Hobbs AU)

Part thirty-seven

Jack P.O.V.

There was something wrong.

I felt unsettled the entire time while I was at school, sensing something wasn’t right. I thought maybe it would be something down Dean’s end, but my teachers were watching me like a hawk so I couldn’t risk taking my phone out in class to send him a text.

But by break he hadn’t contacted me, so maybe he was okay and everything was fine and I was just feeling uneasy about being home for the night.

“Oi, faggot! Hey, don’t ignore me, I’m talking to you, Howard!”

I picked up my pace as I walked through the corridors, not sure where I was headed, just anywhere so I could get away from that. I took the next left into the boys’ toilets, locking myself in a cubicle and tensing up when I realised my mistake.

Jack, what the hell did you do that for? Good going, genius.

“Hooooooowaaaaaaaard! Come out, come out wherever you are!” Felix. There was a chorus of chants after and I dug my nails into my hands, resisting myself from screaming or crying or both.

“Hey fag!” It was another voice that I didn’t really recognise and someone banged on the door. I flinched backwards and stared at the hinges, praying they wouldn’t give. “We just want to talk to you, like the old times! Just come out! Oh, wait, you already did that part.” They laughed more and even in the twisted circumstances I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from joining in.

"Come on Jack, we won't do... much. Apart from flushing that pretty face of yours down the toilet." 

Please leave me alone, I never did anything to you... 

I don't know why, but I had the idea that maybe if I started pleading through my thoughts, maybe they'd get the message and stop. But of course it didn't work because people weren't telepathic and even if they did pick up an unhappy vibe, it would probably just encourage them more, because it would give them a sense of power.

Everyone wanted some degree of superiority, some more than others. We all wanted to feel like we were in control of something, whether it be over other people or just something simple like what we ate.

They were going for the control of other people. They wanted to alter my emotions into something where I was vulnerable so they could feel like they broke me down and get a weird sense of achievement from it.

My confidence had already been shattered but I didn’t want to give them that satisfaction, so I cautiously sat down on the closed toilet seat and just endured it all, pressing my lips together in a hard straight line and pulled the sleeves down over my hands and then rolling them up to my elbows and then repeated this over and over, because I couldn’t work out whether I wanted to try and cool myself down or feel protected.

A couple more bangs on the door. Two more names that I was labelled with. More chants of laughter.

I felt that familiar lump in my throat and my vision blurred, so the next thing I knew was that I was bent over, with elbows on my thighs and my hands covering my face.

Don’t cry, they’ll hear you.

But I couldn’t help it so one hand had the task of muffling the sobs that hurt my chest.

“Jack, I swear to god if you don’t get out here in one minute, I’m going to kick down that door and break your neck.”

Felix was getting angry now, you could hear it in his threats and how pounded on the door. The back of my hand wiped the layer of sweat off my forehead and I looked down at the floor to count the shadows to see if I could escape.