Dead Hearts

Chapter 18 - Angry

Mara + then

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Chapter 18

Mara

Then

I walked into the house, hearing plates and cutlery clatter around, Alice and mom’s voices echoing faintly through the kitchen. I stomped through the stairs, a giddy smile on my face as I thought about Bradley’s bright green eyes. It only lasted a moment until my smile turned into a grimace as I remembered Aiden’s angry eyes, soft hands, his fingers pulling at his hair, frustrated.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry about that athsma attack. It was only your first date,” I could hear mom raising her voice, trying to reach me as I slowly shut my bedroom door.

I walked straight into my shower, wanting to take off anything with Aiden in it. But he was everywhere. He was everything I could see as I peeled off my clothes and jumped in, turning the water on. I stood there vacantly, my hair getting wetter by the second, my eyes closing at the feel of warm water on my shoulders.

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I changed into gym clothes, trying to work myself up for a nice attempt at running. I walked down the stairs, my mom smiling as she saw me in my shorts and shirt. It had been two days since the fight- a lazy Sunday, and I felt determined to do something. It couldn’t possibly be normal for me to just wallow in my room the entire weekend. Aiden was probably in bed with some other girl. Running might as well be my silent revenge, a small proof of the fact that the world wouldn’t stop without him in it.

“I see you’re going running, for a change? Was about time. You’re getting so chubby,” she said, her smile tainted with discomfort. I looked down, my cheeks heating, my eyes wanting to drop some tears.

Why would I never be good enough for her?

“Yeah,” I replied, walking out the door.

I started jogging at a slight, slow pace down my block, sweat matted to my forehead within seconds. I smiled at the trees, the wind, everything. I ran for a while more, not wanting to go back home, because that meant dealing with Aiden, checking my phone, calling Luna.

I came back an hour later, exhausted, into Aiden sitting in my living room couch nonchalantly, wearing nothing but the same sweatpants, a black shirt worn lazily over his chest. He couldn’t see me from where I stood, as I held my breath. I immediately noticed that his truck was outside, whereas my mom’s van wasn’t. I couldn’t hear any noise from upstairs, either- Alice must have left with her. It dawned on me that I had walked into a trap- Aiden was in my house, only me and him, and our own battle to fight again.

I tried to fix myself up quietly before walking in the living room. There was not much I could do- sweat was still slightly smudged in my hair as my palms began a tidal wave of nervous sweat. I worked my hardest to swipe it off my shorts, my legs shaking lightly. I was such a nervous mess.

“Took you long enough.” I heard him across the room as he turned his head towards me, standing up. I could now see some stubble growing on his face, his eyes bloodshot, his eyebrows raised. I could feel my cheeks reddening again, embarrassed.

“What happened to you?” I asked him before I could stop myself.

“Oh, nothing. I just wanted to come over, and maybe talk.” Aiden’s voice lowered by the second as he slowly walked towards me. I stood rooted in place, growing angrier as he stepped closer. I stopped breathing altogether as he came dangerously close to my face, his hand raising up, hesitantly, to touch my face. I turned away. 

“Come on, Mara. Talk to me.” He said again, breathlessly, much like that time in his truck.

“What do you want me to say? ‘Oh, Aiden, my prince charming’?” I mocked, my voice climbing up a few octaves as I pushed him off me.

“You’re just playing me. You’re just like all your asshole friends. But that’s okay. I didn’t expect much.” I kept talking, unable to stop. He widened his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing, fists shaking in anger again. I tried my hardest not to notice how angry he was getting.

“Seriously, Aiden. How do you expect me to say something like ‘I love you’ so quickly? Oh, and besides, you start getting worked up like a three year-old boy. Are you serious? I’m not taking any of this bullshit, I’m serio-”

He slammed his lips against mine, electricity holding me still. I was shocked, and now I wasn’t just angry. Now I was just enraged. I pushed him off as hard as I could, my hands forming fists again.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” I yelled, small tears brimming my eyes, dangling precariously as I rubbed the back of my hand across my mouth, shaking and sweating and coming undone at the asshole before me, whose eyes were wider, his hands trying to reach out to me again, as I tried to make the distance between us grow.

“I’M ANGRY AT YOU-I’M NOT EVEN ANGRY AT YOU. I’M JUST ENRAGED. DO YOU REALLY THINK KISSING IS GOING TO JUST FIX IT? FUCK NO. I DON’T WANT YOU TO SHUT ME UP LIKE THAT. NOT WHEN I’M ANGRY AND CONFUSED.” I let it out all in a long breath, fuming, my cheeks getting impossibly redder. He smiled a small, slow, sad smile.

“WHY ARE YOU SMILING?”I yelled even louder as he started outright laughing at me now. “STOP LAUGHING! AIDEN STOP!” I pushed into him, sending punches right and left as his laughter slowly faded into groans. I grinned as I kept landing my fists on his ribcage, his stupid perfectly made shoulders.

“It’s not fair.” I quieted down so quickly, I started questioning my sanity. I held on to him now.

“I know,” Aiden replied, a small chuckle on his lips as he slightly towered over me.

“I love you,” I whispered, defeated.

He turned his face down to look at me, his eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

I pressed my hand to his mouth, shushing him before he could get a word out.

I felt his lips smile under my fingers.