depression is my best friend (ON HOLD)

Not a goodbye

Bold : toby
Italics: skye
Under line : Channing

*Channings P.O.V*

The darkness start to surround me and I feel my body go limp and heavy, around me I see white piercing light and walk towards it. I'm almost there when I get jerked backwards falling down a dark abyss until I land on a hard surface slowly I let my eyes flutter open, I try to sit up but a wave of nausea washes over me as I fall back onto the hard surface sighing in frustration. I turn my head and see the last four people I want to see
" Channing we called your mum and you're in the hospital, I'll go get a doctor." Nia says rushing out of the room. Tristan comes forward pulling me into a crushing hug i wack him away with my arm only to be left a burning sensation in my wrist, I scream in pain as I look at my forearms, my skin is red and puffy and covered in stitches from wrist to elbow. I send a confused look to Zane Tristan and Parker but no one speaks up
"So is anyone going to tell me where the fuck I am and why the fuck you three are here with me?" I scream but that short rant leaves me gasping for air, the boys stand there shuffling their feet as they avoid my gaze
"Well?!" I yell getting angry
"Okay then if none of you are going to fucking talk to me get me someone who will answer my questions." As I say that Nia comes in with an older woman in a white coat thick pink rimmed glasses and long hair in a tidy slicked back top knot.
"Hello miss Bennett, I am doctor Clark now do remember what happened?" She says looking at her clipboard before giving my a pitiful smile
"cut the miss crap my name is Channing and now where the fuck am I and what the fuck happened?!" I say with an frustrated tone
"Channing you where found in the school basement bleeding to death by Mr hared yesterday and you are now in a hospital and have been asleep for the last 4 days." She states
"So I'm gonna take a wild guess that I tried to commit suicide then and failed like always." I mutter as the burning pain finds its way back to my wrists, I scream clutching my right wrist and hot tears flow down my face. A new voice comes into the room and I notice it was Donnie
"Channing you're awake. Yay!" He screams sitting next to me before pulling my into a hug. I look at him as I give him a weak smile before returning the hug
"Hey bud what are you doing here?" I ask as he wipes away my tears
"Me and mummy haven't left since we got here. But Channing, mum won't stop crying and I don't know what to do should I go tell her you woke up." He asks
"Yeah bud you go do that. " I smile. His short legs carry him out of the room and I let out a small chuckle.
"I hear a scream down the hallway that sounds a lot like mum Channings up but watch out her arms have lots of things on them and I think they're sore. I hear foot steps pounding on the vinyl floor. Mum rushes up to and pulls me into a large bear hug as she repeatedly kisses the top of my head
"Bubaloo you're awake. Thank god I didn't think you would." She cries looking at my with tear filled eyes. I burst into gulping unattractive sobs and cling to mum for dear life as I mutter I'm sorry and don't send me away and I'm not ok
"Shush dear come on let's talk to the doctor just the two of okay?" She whispers nodding my head I turn to the boys and beakon then over towards me
"Now which one of you fuck ups found me." I states crossing my arms to hide the stitches, the other boys point to Tristan "okay evryone except Tristan leave that includes mum and the doctor." I state sitting up, everyone leaves they room while Tristan stands there awkwardly playing with his fingers
"I'm sorry-" he starts by I cut him off
"Save the bullshit Tristan how much of what's wrong with me is obvious." I utter
"Well the self harm the eating disorder and the fact you can't play the mute card anymore." He states
"Well shit. Okay one last question."
"Okay shoot." He says
"Why. Why did you help me." I whisper
"I can't answer that. " he states
"Why?"
"Because I don't even know myself." And with that he walks put of the room letting mum and the doctor enter
"Okay miss Bennett if you would like to sit so I can talk to you and Channing about the matter at hand." She states pulling a chair up in front of me and mum
"So Channing first I need to ask, how long has the self harm been going on?"
"Um about four years it got progressively worse about two years ago after an incident evolving a special person in my life." I state without hesitation
"May I ask what the incident was?" She asks
"No. No you may not." I half yell half whisper, she just nods before going to the next question
"Channing how long have you been barely eating for."
"I eat enough food to survive." I mutter
"Channing you are bulimic and anorexic. " she states "now if you feel up to walking we need to go and weigh you." She utters
"38" I say
"Excuse me?" She says confused
"I weigh 38kg I was forced to be weighed the morning I tried to kill myself."
"Channing that is extremely underweight the average 17 year old girl should weigh at least 60kg." Doctor Clark states
"Channing who forced you to get weighed?" Mum asks
"Oh um long story. So yesterday morning after you saw the scars and I headed off to school I decided not to go to school and went to the park bridge planning to jump off and then lewis's older brother Kyle stopped me and took me to his mums house and I said I wasn't hungry so she weighed me like she used too." I say
"Channing you were going to kill yourself?!" My mum gasps. All I do is nod not being able to form words properly
"Channing in your circumstances we would usually send you to a rehabilitation Centre but seeing as you are over the age of 16 it is your choice. I'll leave you with your mother to discuss it." She says standing up and leaving the room
"I'm not going." I state
"Channing you need to think rationally about this." Mum says
"I have thought rationally mother and I think that I would have more of a chance of getting better around people who love me than stranger poking and prodding me." I utter
"Fine Channing you have two months to get to 50kg or you are going to rehab got it."
"Yes mother." I groan "can you get everyone to come back in here" I say without hesitation mum walks towards the door and beakons everyone back inside that small beige room I turn to the doctor "I'm not going to rehab." I state she sighs before nodding and walking out of the room
"Uh Channing you might want to see this." Parker says passing me his phone, he's on Facebook and his whole news feed filled with apologizing to me
Ryan Beale: Channing I am so sorry for everything I've done to you. Please get better soon♡♡♡♡
Maddie Hynes: I'm sorry for being a bitch to you after Lewis passed get better soon♡♡♡♡
Yeah and that basically over and over again
"So the whole school knows then." I mutter
"Yeah three girls ran out of health yesterday crying because the teacher was talking about eating disorders." Zane says, I single tear slides down my cheek but before I can wipe it away zanes lips are there to dry it away everything is quite for a few minutes and then my stomach makes the sound of a whale dying of hunger. Everyone bursts out laughing and then Donnie comes and sits on my lap and grabs my hand with his small chubby ones
"Sis what are these?" He asks carefully brushing his thumb over the stitches
"Donnie I'm fighting a very tough battle and these are my battle wounds" I whisper pulling him into a hug "but I'm going to win this battle"
"How many wounds do you have?" He asks
"A lot." I simply state "hey Donnie can you find mum for me?" Instead of answering he runs out of the room coming back a few Seconds later with mum in tow
"Mum when can I go home" I ask
"Well Channing you can come home now but the doctor and I both think it's best if you don't go to school until Friday just to give the cuts a bit of time to heal but seeing as I have to work Zane said he will watch you for the next couple of days."
"Okay I'm going to go and changing and then we can go home. Did of bring any blood free clothes for me to wear?" I ask getting out of the bed after the nurse takes the IV out of my arm
"Oh yes they're in the bag over there. " she states. I walk over to the bag and take out black lacy undergarments some light wash jeans a frilly t-shirt and some floral combat boots
"Uh mum this is a short sleeves top." I say holding it up to her
"The doctor said no long sleeves while the cuts are healing, it could lead to infection. And Channing you now have counseling every Wednesday at nine o'clock."
"What the fuck mother?!"
"Channing swore!" Donnie yells
"Channing just go get dressed." Mum groans. I forcefully throw the bag over my shoulder and strut into the bathroom. I come out about twenty minutes later dressed with some light makeup as well, as I walk out folding my arms to hide the cuts
"Mum can we go home please" I whisper
"Yes we just need to stop at the pharmacy to pick up your antidepressants okay bubaloo." She says pulling me into a hug
"Do I have to get out of the car?" I ask
"Yeah hun you do, only you can pick up the medicine" she says giving me an apologetic look
"Mum what if I someone I know sees me. If you don't remember my wrists are covered in stitches." I groan unfolding my arms
"Hun you'll be in there for two seconds, you'll be fine okay I promise." She says rubbing my shoulders.

We head out to the car and make the short drive to the pharmacy, mum parks the car and I step outside and speed walk towards the electric doors. I go up to the desk and give the lady the prescription, walking over to the makeup I look around until my pills are done. I stand contemplating buying a lip stick when someone touches my shoulder. Turning around I see the last person I want to see right now. T.J Richardson at his six foot four hight he towers above me with an evil smirk on his plump red lips. "So Channing I heard what happened,  let's see I need something funny to tell the boys at school so come on show me your cuts." He smiles trying to grab my arm, thankfully I am saved by the pharmacist calling my name. I rush up grabbing the paper bag before sprinting out to the car, once inside I burst into tears.
"Hunny what wrong" mum say obviously concerned
"I. Told. You. I. Didn't. Want. To. Go. In. There." I gulp in between sobs
"Hunny what happened"
"A bully from school tried to get me to show him my cuts because he thought it was funny." I whispered wiping my eyes
"Oh Hunny he's just a big dick okay? Now let's go home and I'll get you some food." Mum says, I grimace as she said food but then remember the deal. I don't want to go to rehab, oh god skye and toby, do they know about any of this? I'll ring them and invite them over, I should probably ask mum first. These are my thoughts as I climb the stairs to my bedroom, I change into Grey sweatpants and a black singlet and lie on my bed
"Mum!" I yell too lazy to get up. I hear foot steps pounding up the stair case and stop at my doorway
"What?" Mum asks
"Can Toby and skye come over?" I ask giving her a smile
"Yes they can but you need to eat now and when they are here." She states internally I groan but nod at her, picking up my phone I call skye and toby simultaneously.

Hey guys
Channing?! Where have you been there are rumors going around school you're in hospital
Yeah Channing where are you
Guys just come over to my house and I'll explain everything
Does this have anything to do with that cuts?
Kind of
Okay Channing we will be over in two seconds
yeah we'll see you soon
Okay see ya guys

And with that I hang up the phone going downstairs to eat something. I sit at the bar with Donnie as mum puts a plate of sliced apple strawberries and raspberries in front of my
"You finish that I don't care if skye and toby arrive. No going upstairs until you're done." She says and with that the door bell rings, mum gives me a stay there glare as she walks towards the door. Toby and skye run up and engulf me in a hug
"Hey guys. Um, I'm not allowed to go upstairs until I finish my food." I say trying my best to hide my wrists
"Why?" Toby asks
"Well I was in hospital and I was told much to my dismay that I am anorexic and bulimic." I say with a sad chuckle.

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Heyyyyyy my sweets
The picture is her outfit after leaving the hospital.

Love ya all xx