"Channing wake up you have therapy in 40 minutes." Mum yells from the other side of my door
"I'm not fucking going Carrie" I scream at her. I know it's harsh but she can't make me go
"Channing I know your upset but that does not mean you have the right to speak to your mother like that" she calls as she walks through the door "now Channing get up and get dressed Zane is downstairs waiting" mum says and she leaves my room.
Getting up I grab some undergarments for today and the yell out to mum "muuuuuuummmmmmmm can I wear long sleeves?"
"No?" She calls back. I grab a simple pair of tight sweatpants and a black singlet and head down to the bathroom. Placing my clothes on the toilet seat I look through the cupboard for my razor but can't find it continuing to search I still can't find it, screaming in frustration mum comes sprinting up the stairs before throwing the door open
"What's wrong channing." She says voice full of concern
"It's not here. Where the fuck did you put it." I yell
"What are you talking about darling?"
"The blade it was here what did you do with it." I question while glaring at her
"I searched all over the house while you were in hospital and found them then flushed them down the toilet. You don't need them Channing you promised you you would get better and you aren't allowed to lock the door okay sweetie." She says walking away before I can even answer
"I hate you!" I scream, slamming the door shut I lock it and get into the shower. Standing under the burning hot stream of water cascading down my back I scratch at my stitches. After a few tries about ten of them have opened up dragging my nails over them a few more times I watch as they bleed out making the shower floor a murky pink. Hopping out of the shower I dab the re-opened wounds with my black towel and get dressed, as I go into my room I grab my phone chapstick socks my floral vans and a green flannel. Walking down the stairs I yell out to whoever is down there
"I wanna cut and dye my hair. We should go do that instead of going to therapy."
"Nice try you're still going but we can do that after." Zane laughs
"Fine but I'm wearing long sleeves." I groan "now let's go I want to get the start of this torture over with."
* skip past car ride*
Getting it of the car my nerves get the better of me and I start scratching my wrists through the flannel, looking down I see red seeping into the fabric
"Channing did you have breakfast this morning?" Zane asks
"Why the fuck does it matter."
"Your mum has put me in charge which means I make sure you eat with out purging don't cut don't scratch your stitches and getting you to your therapy on time." He states, looking at my phone I see it's quarter past 9
"well looks like you've already failed at two of them, it's quarter past so I'm late." I utter
"Wait what's the second?" He asks obviously confused, looking down at the ground I don't reply "Channing show me your wrist." Reluctantly I place my arm in his hand and let him lift my sleeve
"I-i s-scratched them in th-the sh-shower and w-when we got h-here. " I stutter trying to stop the tears pushing to fall down my face. Suddenly Zane brings me into a hug instead of pushing him away I embrace it and let the tears flow
"Come on hun let's go inside I'm sure the therapist is waiting for you." Walking in I shakily wipe the tears away before taking a seat and going onto twitter on my phone looking down I see I'm a new hash tag
#stopfailingandjustdiechanning
Clicking on the hash tag I see dozens of picture of Tristan holding me in his arms and me being put into the ambulance and leaving the hospital and running to my car from the pharmacy. I get up to leave and run away from here but get interrupted by a tall strict looking woman calling my name, turning to her I follow her down the hallway
"Hey Channing I'm Dr Harris but you can call me Cindy.." grunting in response we stop at a door unlocking it we travel inside Cindy mutters take a seat so I sit down pulling my knees into my chest and wrapping my arms around them. "So Channing do you know why you're here?"
"Because I was found in the school basement bleeding to death and Carrie wants me to get better." I mumble
"Who is Carrie Channing?" She asks
"The woman who gave birth to me."
"Oh well Channing how have you been felling emotions wise for the last couple of days ten being amazing and one being depressed."
"-3 but last night I was a four because my brother came back from the army five years early."
"Are you close with you brother."
"Before he left we were inseparable even though there was a six years difference between us."
"What about your family Channing tell but about them"
"Well I have James my older brother who carrie had when she was sixteen then there's me who mum had when she was twenty four then I have a little brother donald but we all call him donnie who's 7."
"Now what about your mum and dad?"
"Carrie is the most amazing person you will find but I'm angry at her because today is the anniversary of someone very special to me but she made me come here instead but I still love her to bits. And for my fucking father if you can even call him that he's dead to me he left when I was 13 and he put me through so much physical pain. The slapping and kicking when mum was at work coming into my room drunk at night and raping me he brought me razors for my fourteenth birthday and then drove off the bridge killing himself and his mistress he was hiding from us." I break down letting the tears flow down my face "it was hard to trust males even my older brother but the Lewis the new boy at school took away all of my worries and I trusted him we dated and I loved him so much and then one day I was going for a walk by myself because Lewis said he had something to do so I walked through the park and I see someone standing on the bridge rushing over the person turns around and I see Lewis and he says words I never wanted to hear I'm so sorry Channing but I can't live anymore never forget me and with that he jumps taking my heart and happiness with him. He was too busy trying to fix me that I didn't see he was just as broken the only difference he was better at hiding it." I collapse back in the chair and feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders I have never told someone that mush about my life but I feel better having it out in the open
"Well Channing I think that after that much opening up me can cut this week's session early so I'll Se you next week at the same time."
"Bye Cindy. " I say exiting her office walking back down the hall I see sane on his phone, looking up he sees me and stands up
"That was quick I thought the sessions were an hour it's only been twenty five minutes?" He asks
"I opened up and said things I haven't told anyone except Lewis. No let's go to the salon I want to change my hair."
"Okay what color are you gonna go?" Zane asks as we walk to the car. Getting in I answer him
"Blonde." I state
"Why I thought you liked being different?" Zane laughs
"Lewis said I looked better blonde it reminds him of when we first met." I say letting a stray tear fall down my cheek
"If you don't mind me asking who is lewis?"
"The person fixed me even though it was breaking him. He was the love of my life my rock the best thing to ever happen. He was the weirdly tall new kid while I was the short emo who only spoke to Toby and my brother. He was a broken beauty and I will never stop loving him he made a promise if we were together when I was twenty we would get married on my 21st birthday he even brought a black and gold ring to give me. And today was his anniversary. I was his sweet cheeks and he was my guppie." Silent tears streak my face as I finish what I was going to say to Lewis today
"What happened to Lewis?" Zane asks wiping my tears.
"He succeeded in the thing I constantly fail at."
YOU ARE READING
depression is my best friend (ON HOLD)
Ficção Adolescente(ON HOLD) One bottle of pills One gun to the head One jump off a bridge One rope around the neck One less breathe under water One gulp of bleach One slash of the wrist Everything starts and ends with one thing, but it takes more than one rumour, one...
