Chapter 4 ~ "I can't tell you."
I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. I reached over trying to grab it but instead I knocked it off my dresser. Groaning, I leaned over my bed to get it. I had two missed calls from my mom and three texts from her. As I was reading them Lyss walked through the door.
"What's wrong?" She asked reading my facial expression.
"Nothing." I sighed, "Mom won't be home for a couple of days." I spoke rubbing my eyes.
"Oh." We were both quite for a while untol Lyss broke the silence. "So do you like it here?"
I shrugged, "I mean, we've only been here for about a week. The boys are really attractive though, so that's nice." We both laughed at that, but then the silence returned.
"I miss him." I looked at Lyss confusedly. "Dad. I miss h-"
"Don't, Lyss. You, you don't understand." I whispered turning away from her.
"Then explain it to me, because all I know is that he dipped out on us and that you hate him while the rest of us just want him to come back."
"He didn't just leave, he's.." I paused not being able to find the right words.
"He's what?!" Lyss jumped off my bed as she yelled. I looked at her with raised eyebrows. "He. What?" She spoke slower.
"Don't yell at me! You don't know the situation, it's more complicated than you think Lyss!"
"Then explain it to me!! I'm sick and tired of this Riley, sick of not knowing what the hell your always so sad for. Why you and mom always have "secret" talks, why you hate Dad so much." She spoke quieter as she got to the end of her sentence. I didn't have to look at her to know she was crying.
"He, he didn't treat me the same. He didn't love me. He-" I was having a hard time talking because the emotions were getting to me. But before I could continue Lyss cut me off.
"That's not true! Dad loved you! He always talked to you! He never talked or hung out with us." She cried out.
I covered my mouth as a sob came out, "It wasn't what you think it was Lyss. We never talked. Never." I closed my eyes as tears started streaming down my face.
"What does that mean?! This isn't a game! You can't do this anymore, I need to know what happened!" She screamed at me.
"I can't tell you."
"Why not??" I rubbed my eyes as I let out several deep breaths.
"You need to get ready for school." I spoke as evenly as I could.
"But-"
"GO." I hissed. She screamed in frustration before storming out of my room and slamming the door. I squeezed my eyes shut before walking to my body mirror. I pulled at the hem of my long shirt, twisting it with my fingers. I frowned at my reflection in the mirror. What I saw wasn't the same girl from three years ago. I saw a broken girl, who hated herself. He ruined me.
I walked into my bathroom, locking the door behind me. I put my hair up into a ponytail as I muttered curse words into the mirror. I opened the cabinet door underneath the sink and grabbed the bucket that had all the cleaning supplies in it. I sat the bucket on the floor next to me and took everything out of it until I got to a small brown box. Opening the box, I slid my hand over the numerous amount of blades from my razors that I used to have. Taking one out, I sat back againt the door.
I twirled the blade around in my fingers. It really wasn't that much to think about, I knew I was going to do it. I've done it before and when my mom found out she took everything sharp out of the house, even the kitchen knives. I wasn't even allowed to shave my legs anymore I have to get everything waxed or use Nair. I squeezed the blade in my hand as I whispered an incoherent "sorry mom", and cut the skin on the palm of my hand.
