30 letters

L E T T E R 30

YOUR REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR

Dear myself,

I am ashamed.

I am disgusted.

I am worthless.

I am pathetic.

I am ugly.

I am fat.

I am horrifying.

I am stupid.

Al these words were said by every single person we knew.

I am a freak.

I am a waste of space.

I am a coward.

I am a disgrace.

I am a loner.

Why do you have to be this way? How could you be so selfish and put me through all this pain just because you want to be this way. No matter how hard I tried to change you, you wouldn't budge.

Not a single day went by that I didn't know you were so imperfect, so worthless. You were a disgrace to everybody and because of that, you made me live in misery.

Even if at home I dealt with a belt to the back, a hand to the face, a kick to the stomach, a punch to the gut, you wouldn't change. You'd just became uglier.

Disgusting.

Worthless.

Horrifying.

Three of many nicknames you have received in the 18 years of existence. All things true.

You deserve to be starved. You deserved to be beaten. You deserve to be tortured.

But what you don't deserve is the right to exist. You have no right to be alive. Something as ugly and disgusting as you should burn. Your a horrible sight to see, no wonder no one loves you, no wonder I don't love you! It's like your purpose in life is to bring me misery! It's like you enjoy watching me suffer! You want the pain from the torture, you want to be called names, you want the negative attention.

You need to be hated.

Every single day someone, anyone will give us a request, give us a request to hurt ourself, to end ourself and no matter how many times Adelina says you can be happy or you will be happy, I never believe it. Would you believe you can be happy after 18 years of misery? Could you be happy after 18 years of misery?

I don't think I could be.

I know I couldn't be.

I don't deserve to be happy with you or with anyone. Neither do you.

Every day someone walks up to us and says "you should kill yourself". Well, that person doesn't know I am contemplating on that idea every single day of my life, wishing I could end it in a second.

But now I don't have to wish, I have had enough and I want out. I can't take it anymore! I am done with all this misery. I just want it to stop...

So I shall listen to this stranger, this person who doesn't have a meaning in my life.

I shall be granting the wish of many.

This body doesn't deserve to live.

So, it shall not.

Yours forever, Veronica
486 words